Blog Envy

I have this "friend," well really a friend of a friend. Actually, her best friend grew up with my best friend. So it's not that we're close or that we even see each other often (maybe once a year at best). But she has this blog that I used to read occasionally to see what she was up to. Her blog chronicled her perfect life, her perfect hobbies, her perfect child/children, her perfect...

I used to read it and then walk away thinking "man, my life sucks."

And I found myself getting a bit envious of her dreamy life and how fabulous it seemed. And my life never seemed to be that great or dreamy or fabulous.

After a couple months of trying to "peek" at her blog without feeling bad-- THAT never worked!-- I finally just gave it up altogether. No sense in competing with someone over fabulousness in life. I can't keep up with her!

So hopefully you don't feel same about my blog. I'm not here trying to make myself seem larger than life and "dreamy." It's just me trying to the best I can. Most days I survive. Some days really stink. Other days are pretty good and get their own blog post. But it's all me here-- the good, the bad, the ugly.

The Rock Star is in the House!

It's Thursday and I went running again. And I made it farther than I ever have! Yoo-whoo! I feel great! I didn't feel like I was going to die. I kept forcing myself to take deep, yoga breaths even though my natural inclination was to pant. Those deep breaths made a huge difference. I made it to the street where I am normally dying and I kept right on going. I made it all the way to the entrance of the next subdivision before I took a short walking/breathing break. It felt so good! I was even smiling as I ran! What a freak, huh? ;o)

Some yoga tricks that have really helped me:
-relax into your strength
-deep, ugi (sounds like "ooh-gy" but I spelled it wrong) breaths
-find joy in your practice; if it's joy you are working at, you will have greater strength

Another trick I learned from reading a running book is to keep the upper body loose: it's just along for the ride. So I tell myself that "your arms & shoulders are along for the ride. Keep 'em loose."

I can run further and longer on my treadmill, but then I'm not pushing a jogging stroller up a steep hill, down a steeper hill, and over bumpy roads.

So, here's a small pat on my own sweaty back because I'm feeling good. And maybe just a bit "freak-ish"! :o)

Drats! It rained! and other tidbits.....

Monday's outdoor run was canceled on account of a heavy downpour and the fact that I had no way to cover the jogging stroller. Drat! I stewed about it while my kids got ready for school, checked the weather radar online, listened to the weather report, and stewed some more. Finally I decided to run on my treadmill at home. The baby was NOT happy about being separated from me, even though he was surrounded by new and fun toys. The gate to the laundry room where my treadmill was angered him and he spent most of the half hour standing at it, shaking it, biting it, and crying. I got to run only about a mile and, with my walking, managed just under two miles. Not a great day.

My running songs (with only one earbud in):
"Shout" by Tears for Fears
"All these Things I have done" by the Killers
"Sowing the Seeds of Love" by Tears for Fears
"I Walked Away" by the Sunfall Festival

and I can't remember the others.

On other notes:

Yesterday I had my first plastic-bag-less shopping trip. I took along my own reusable shopping bags and filled them with my goods from Walmart. It was highly satisfying. Now I just need to do that for all stores. I'm not overly concerned about my "carbon footprint" but it is nice to not have hundreds of plastic bags shoved into my utility closet at the end of the month. We always recycle them, but it's nice to just not need them.

I now have a bird sitting on my head as I type and a baby playing at my feet and it is time to eat breakfast.

Today's Running Menu

For most of my morning running, I thought I was going to die. I only ran once last week because I got sick and felt terrible. I walked nice and long on Monday, but didn't run. So today was my day to stop being lazy and start back on track.

And I thought I would die. I did take one short walking/breathing break because my Runner's Magazine says that is perfectly acceptable! And I did run longer and more (not by much) than last time so I did meet that goal.

Here's what I listened to while I tried not die:
"Shout" by Tears for Fears (always the first song & always while I'm going up the hill)
"Real Gone" by Sheryl Crow
"Everybody Wants to Rule the World" by Tears for Fears
"Life is a Highway" by Rascal Flatts
"Clocks" by Coldplay

I had other songs that came up on my playlist, but I skipped them. I needed more umpf in my music to keep me going. And to keep me from dying.

I am still feeling pretty sore from yoga on Tuesday night and now I'm feeling tired so no real "Rock Star" feeling today. Just fatigue. But I'm glad I did.

Oh, and I did it using the regular stroller because my jogging stroller has a flat tire. Bummer!

Yoga women

There's a small group of "regulars" in my Tuesday night yoga class that like to discuss wine. They are older than me and I believe their children must be grown. I'm not sure why, but it's their favorite topic. "I had wine last night." Or "we should have a wine party." Or "I'm flying to Napa to a wine conference." Or last night's was "I had a glass of wine while gazing at the full moon the other night."

Well, I don't like to brag in class-- and I don't really know them that well, but, I get WAY more whine than they do! I have whine with EVERY meal (even breakfast). In fact, I usually have it in the afternoon, before bed, before school. I hate to list all the times that I have whine because some might worry that I am a regular whine-o. I suppose I am.

But it's not my fault! It's my life! Really, it's my children. I could do with a lot LESS whine. I would NEVER fly to a whine conference-- I think that would be called a birthday party-- but sometimes I would like to just fly away. And I have been known to stand outside, gazing at the moon to escape the whine.

So I just needed to set the record straight. Whine is not all that great. And you won't catch me talking about it before yoga class. That's why I go to yoga-- to escape it! ;o)

Gawk!

I've become a shrill mother! You know one of those mothers you see in the store that speaks to their kids in a demon-like voice and threatens them within an inch of their life if they do not stop touching things and get back into the cart where they belong or they will never eat lunch or watch tv or play with friends or anywhere for the rest of their entire lives!!! You know those moms??? The moms you tell yourselves that you will never become because at the time your children (probably you just had one anyway) are young and good and kind and obedient and even if you did have more than one you would never use a demon-like voice or threaten to take away their birthday. And then you walk away from the mother feeling embarassed for her.

I heard myself today talking to my kids at the library! I've become that mom! Gawk! Double Gawk!

Just having a stressed-out mom moment. I thought I'd have more time (cue the laugh track here) when school started. Instead I have more stress and am trying harder to cram my life into smaller chunks of time. It's not working so well.

Sigh. The baby is screaming because I won't let him play with the outlets. The 5 year old refuses to do his homework. I mean seriously, how hard can kindergarten homework be??? Good thing I get to run away tonight.

Baby steps till yoga class. Baby steps till yoga class. Baby steps till.....

The Rock Star!

I ran again today! I wore my real running shoes and took the real jogging stroller and listened to my running playlist on my iPod. AND I made it farther than I did last time. And then I felt like a rock star all day long! It was a fabulous feeling.

That's my goal-- go farther each time. So I drop off my two older kids, walk up a steep hill, run around a corner, run down hill, cross the highway, and run for as long as I can down the parkway before I feel like I will die. Not a bad game plan. It's a lot harder running outside than it is running on my treadmill.

Here's some of the songs on my playlist that I listened to today:
"Shout" by Tears for Fears (ALWAYS my first song to start running to)
"Reborn" by Rebecca St. James
"Black and White" by Michael Jackson
"Clocks" by Coldplay
"I walked away" by Sunfall Festival
"Heavy Cloud No Rain" by Sting

The goal for now is to run Monday and Friday with yoga on Tuesday nights. We'll see how that goes.

The green-eyed monster

Confession time: I've been bitten by that nasty old bug of jealousy and ooooh is it ruining my other-wise good day! Well, really it's ruined quite a few good days and it's time I just "got over it!" So here's my attempt to do.

The scoop: I have too many friends whose babies are all starting FULL-TIME kindergarten this year and are left at home for 6 to 7 hours a day. Ugh! I'm so jealous of 1) the free time and 2) the all-day kindergarten. Years ago when I only had one child and not much hope for any prospects of having more, my friends were all having babies and were all overwhelmed with diapers and such (they were where I am now!). Fast-forward 5 years. I have one in half-day kindergarten (NOT enough time, I tell you, NOT enough!!) and an almost one year old. And I look at my friends and all their free time and I'm dying sometimes. I wish I had more of that. At least I wish I had my son in all day kindergarten. He would benefit; I would benefit. But it's not an option. But that doesn't seem to stop me from pining away for it and making myself fairly miserable in the process.

Sigh. It's so easy to look up at the people who are in a better situation than you for a comparison. I have plenty of other friends who still have most of their kids at home, but do I tend to compare myself to them? Sadly, no. It's my older friends who now blissfully send off all their children for a full day of public education and I think "will that ever be me?" Yes, I know it will be, one day, but that seems like sooooooo faaaaaaaaarrrrr away!

Until then, I'm trying to find a cure for my jealousy bug.

By way of bragging......

I walked my children to school today and then walked and ran the llllooooonnnnnggggg way home. OK, so I ran down hill. But I did run. And I didn't even die. But I could really use a nap right now. So I'll try it again on Friday, but this time I'll take the jogging stroller and wear my real running shoes. And maybe I'll run more.

My favorite bird! The first in a new "Sightings" series

When I was a kid I once saw a black-capped chickadee in a bird book and instantly fell in love with the bird. Why?

I have no idea. But I dreamed of owning one of my very own.

Unfortunately, black-capped chickadees did NOT live in New Mexico. And so I never even saw one.

Well, a few days ago I saw one on my sunflower bushes outside my front window! Could it be? A real chickadee? I had to look it up in my handy-dandy "National Geographic Guide to North American Birds" (the authoritative guide on bird identification) and YES! it was a black-capped chickadee! At my bird feeder!

I've been in raptures ever since. I'm so excited about it that I just had to post it.

Sigh. What a joy this is. Finally! It's almost as good as owning one.

Here's a picture off the Internet (not the one from my yard):

Isn't it cute?


Thanks to Lang Elliot, the photographer, who reserves ALL rights to this photograph.

Run for your life!

In junior high I discovered that I really enjoyed running track and field and I was really good at it. So when my family moved out of LA and into a suburban county in So. Cal. I signed up for track. Unfortunately, the counselor happened to push me into signing up for cross country too. Track was a spring sport and cross country was a fall sport. I really, really, really didn't want to sign up for cross country, but I did (because I wasn't the outspoken, assertive individual that I am today). AND I HATED IT! I didn't have anyone who really coached me. I had senior boys who mocked me and who teased me. I had no friends who ran with me. And I had shin splints my first few days.

It stunk. badly.

And I dropped out. And I never did track.

Over the years I mocked runners. I made fun of them when I saw them. I laughed at them. I threatened to run them over to put them out of their misery. So imagine my husband's absolute shock when I announced one day that I wanted to start running. He thought I was joking. Well, I wasn't. I had unfinished business.

I started running again last year. The first time I ran, I ran for three minutes. I thought I would die. The next time I ran for a half mile. Each time I ran, I added more time until I got up to four miles on my treadmill. I was so buff and in shape. I loved my body. I felt so good. I felt like I had slayed all those stupid senior high school boys who mocked me. I had finally succeeded. And just before I did what I had dreamed of-- entering my first 5K-- I found out I was pregnant. And my energy level bottomed out. The running had to stop again.

At the beginning of this year, I started running again. I ran a mile with not too many problems. I got into a groove pretty easily. My body started taking shape; my miles started increasing..... and WHAM! I reinjured my foot and ended up having my big toe replaced with a titanium toe joint. One same-day surgery and four months of rehabilitation. And then summertime.

My running has still been on hold. So now my kids are back in school (at least two of them). The jogging stroller is primed and ready to go. And I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready.

Except I have to run in public. I much prefer to run on my treadmill in the laundry room. But the baby is NOT user-friendly when it comes to running. He won't let me do it. So it's the jogging stroller or keep waiting. I'm ready to go for it. And I'll just have to not watch to see if someone might be watching me.....

So this week is the week I start again. Maybe a mile. Maybe more.

But not tomorrow. I have a doctor's appointment.