The Tender Mercies of the Lord

Life is......

AMAZING!!!

And Heavenly Father is so good to us, his beloved children.

"Failure"

"If you've never failed...."

Table Time Talking

Last night, the hubby and I were reading an article by David Bednar on how to increase spirituality in the home through meaningful dinner discussions. Apparently, we are doing something wrong at our house because our conversations never include meaningful insights. For example:

--our daughter asked if we just couldn't build a wall in the middle of the table so she wouldn't ever have to look at her brother chewing with his mouth open again.

--the toddler spent one dinner screaming repeatedly like a T-Rex from "Dino Train."

--randomly one of the children will shout "Gummy Bears!" to which the others reply "No, Steve, no. We all know how you get around gummy bears."

--our son tells us his dreams involving Darth Vader, water slides, eating lunch at a park, and Pokemon guys showing up.

--you never know when one of the children will quickly look to the side and then yell "Squirrel!"

--we hear "don't look at me!" "I wasn't looking at you!" "Well, don't even look this way" OR "pass the fruit....pass the fruit..... PASS THE FRUIT!!.... Mom, she won't pass the fruit!" "Why won't you pass the fruit?" "He didn't say 'please'" OR "Would you stop kicking me?!?" "I'm not kicking you" "Then STOP swinging your feet and touching me."

--the toddler believes food is merely a vehicle for getting more ketchup into his mouth and we often watch him use meat, veggies, and watermelon to scoop the ketchup off his plate and into his mouth. It's not exactly conducive to good meal eating.

--our son likes to tell us about the big kid at summer school and how when they were looking at the book of spiders and lizards at the library that he said he had like every single one as a pet and that he can identify venomous spiders and that's why it's a good idea to start turning over old pieces of wood in the school yard and why our son grabbed a spider because the big kid said it wouldn't bite.

--we were also informed yesterday by the son that Mr Potato Head had killed his wife. Oh, boy, we had a llllooooonnnnnggggg talk about that one.

So I could ask the hubby "what are we missing here?," but I suspect his answer would be "meaningful conversations." Not so helpful. I suppose we'll keep trying and perhaps one day we'll move past these discussions into something that could contribute to their emotional and spiritual well being.

Until then, Darth Vader makes frequent visits through dreams involving footballs, trampolines, talking monkeys, and ----- SQUIRREL!

Today's Magic Number

#1,317,519

as in my book is number 1,317,519 on Amazon.com.

Don't know whether to celebrate: I made it on Amazon and you can buy my book for a penny!!! or feel glum: more than 1 million books are selling better than mine. It's a tough call.

Maybe next time I just won't search for myself on Amazon! ;o)

"Preschool Confidential" book review

One of my favorite laugh-out-loud-but-a-gut books is "Preschool Confidential" by Sandi Kahn Shelton. It's hilarious! Especially when you have a preschooler at home or in the near vicinity. This is a book when you read when you are at your limit!

I thought I'd share some of my favorite quotes from the book:

"[As a parent] you find yourself uttering phrases that you can't believe you would ever say-- things like, 'If you don't stop jumping on the kitchen counter with Barbie's leg in your hand, you're going to put out your eye and then I won't take you to the circus.'"

-------------

"Someone--probably now in a padded cell somewhere-- once documented the fact that preschoolers ask 437 questions a day. We can't know how this research was accomplished, but somehow I can't get the image out of my head of a beleaguered scientist, bug-eyed and holding a clicker and tallying up the questions until he dropped to the floor in a coma. Sometimes science requires the ultimate sacrifice.

"Anyway, it should be noted that 437 per day was simply the average number of questions. Many children-- probably yours included-- ask this many before breakfast. By the time they have a good head of steam going-- say, around 11:00 am, they can easily crank the total up to over a thousand on a good day. As to the fate of the researchers, I think the chances are good that they are probably living on a desert island somewhere, hoping that no one finds them and asks them anything ever again."

Yep. Welcome to motherhood.

(Here's an Amazon link where you can buy one for a penny! Plus shipping!)

I am

missing my hubby

BIG TIME!!!

(but that still doesn't mean I want to drive 3 hours south with 3 children to camp out with him and a bunch of 12 year olds tomorrow night! I can wait till Saturday.)

Finding Strength beyond my Own

Last week, I went into my toddler's room to get something (probably a diaper) and ended up laying down on the floor. I was exhausted. I lay there, staring at the ceiling, and wondered how on earth I was going to get back up and find the energy to make dinner, get the kids bathed, clean up, take care of things while the hubby went to Scouts, etc., etc.. I didn't have a clue. I was even too tired to cry.

I stayed on the floor and stared at the ceiling. Finally, it occurred to me to pray. So I prayed for the energy to make it off the floor and through the evening. I laid there and prayed and stared at the ceiling and prayed some more.

Finally, I decided I needed to get up and put my faith to the test and see if my Heavenly Father truly could help me find strength beyond my own. "One, two, three, go!" I thought. But I didn't move. "Alright, try again: one, two, three, go." Still no movement. I smiled at my lack of desire to move. It was about that point my toddler discovered me on the floor. My toddler believes there is only one reason anyone ever sits down and that's so you can read him a story.

"Story!" he shouted at me as he made his way to the stack of 400 books that he likes to have us read.

I got off that floor real quick! ;oD

I had the energy to make it through the evening. I got everything done, cleaned, and kids put to bed. I survived. I didn't even feel that terrible by the time I crawled into bed. I was tired, yes, but not beaten down.

I'm grateful for the answer to my prayers and for that bit of motivation to get me off the floor and put my faith to the test. I will tell you that praying for strength works FAR better than any energy drink on the market today. Try it, you'll see.

Ah, L'Amour

My daughter rocked her bearded dragon to sleep today. It was so sweet. Bearded dragons are great pets!

Bleeding Heart

Meet the newest members of my flock. Yesterday I bought/rescued these two blue crown conures from a pet store nearby. They had been brought in as babies and kept in a glass enclosure with NO toys and only PVC perches for TWO YEARS! Thanks to the efforts of the bird keepers at the store, they are sweet birds who need more socialization. I was so upset when I left that store. They cost me a pretty penny, though I did manage to talk the owner down a lot on price.

You may recall that I gave away my blue crown conure Max a few weeks ago. I wanted another one who was more friendly. I found these two. They are clutch mates (probably brother and sister) and couldn't be separated. I only wanted one, but I took both of them so they would be together.

It's been fun to watch them explore their cage. They love chewing on the branches I have and trying out new foods. It's been 24 hours now since they've been here and they are doing great. I look forward to teaching them to talk and interact with me and my kids.

Pet stores make me so angry! Animals become commodities like ketchup instead of living creatures who need care. AWK! Don't get me started.

For now, these two are out of a bad situation and will have a good life. I can't save them all, but I can save some. These two were worth saving. Now to pay off the credit card.....

(p.s. they don't have names yet)

Mango Madness

Thanks to Costco, we've been enjoying ripe mangoes for the past week. A nice cold, ripe mango is a perfect treat on a summer day. My kids LOVE the mangoes. Yesterday, I ate one all by myself; the children were incredibly disgruntled! But boy, did it taste good! Yum!

Standing Tall

My sweetie-pie friend has a new blog that I think ALL of you should follow

http://standtallnow.blogspot.com/

My friend is going through a tough spot of life right now and she's sharing her ideas for keeping strong through her blog. It's a fabulous blog. Check it out.

The most Peculiar and Delicious Recipe

Trust me on this one. It's tasty!

Empty 1 6 oz package of Jello (any flavor) into a large bowl.

Add 2 cups boiling water.

Stir 2 minutes until Jello is dissolved.

Add 3 cups of applesauce. Stir well. Let refrigerate for at least 3 to 4 hours. Serve.

Yum! My hubby says it looks weird, but he eats it. We've eaten it with cherry, lime, and lemon Jello. I prefer the lemon flavor. I can't wait to buy more.

We'll never be eating plain Jello again. Try it!

Notice about previous Post

Seeing as how I was going out on a limb by saying that Groupon is good, I did some research to make sure I wasn't recommending a fraud. It seems legit. The coupons may not be super interesting to you, but the majority of the website reviews I read were positive.

So you don't have to sign up. And I don't know if I expect to see $10 from it, but I can hope........

Sign up for Groupon!!

I've seen this site advertised on Facebook a lot, but have never checked it out until now. It's cool. Plus, if you follow my link below and you sign up, then I get (theoretically) $10! Wow! You want me to have $10, right? ;oD Plus, then you can get your friends to sign up and you can get money. And even besides the $10, the coupons are amazing. They are targeted to your area so you can save money wherever you live. And they don't ask for all your info (address, phone, children's lives); they only ask for email, zip code, and birth year. And they say your info is safe with them.

So click here to make me happy and to score yourself some awesome coupons:

http://www.groupon.com/r/uu4034424

Happy Father's Day!

The older I get, the more I love my dad. Time and maturity has shown me the multitude of ways that my dad says "I love you" and has for my whole life. No one works harder than my dad for his family. From my earliest memories, I have seen him do what it takes to support his family (even when the jobs were terrible!) and I've always seen him read.

He and I, sadly, share the bond of migraines and other health problems. I am my father's daughter. I'm glad to have him to bounce ideas off of when I'm struggling to get my migraines under control. I wish I could drag him to my doctors with me though.

I love my dad. I respect my dad. I honor my dad, and I will be forever grateful that he IS my dad. Some days I just want to shout out: "THAT'S MY DAD!!!" I am a lucky girl.

Happy Father's Day, Dad. You are T-E-R-R-I-F-I-C!

Views from my Windows

Last night my family & I were sitting in the living room and I noticed how pretty the sky was.

I had to take a picture.

The evening sunlight filled my living room with light. It was so pretty.

The sunset was beautiful even through my dirty windows

(I think there's a moral to that).

From my bedroom window, I saw high wispy clouds and the moon.

Looking to the east, I watched the sun set on the mountains near my house.

I loved the clouds and how the sky changed color as the sun dropped.

In the very center of this picture, right above the roof, you can see a small white blur through the tops of the trees. That's the spire of the Bountiful temple. I love it!

Our True Identity

Mothers & Daughters

Never underestimate the power of motherhood!

"Popcorn Popping" song via You Tube

It doesn't have the hand motions, but you can get a feel for the song!

Popcorn Popping

A couple weeks ago I stopped at Costco to fill up my van with gas. My two older kids were at school and I left my 2 year old in his seat. Directly in front of my aged (paid off) van was a full size Lexus SUV (read: expensive). In the driver's seat was a very nicely dressed woman. The passenger, a very nicely dressed man, got out and filled up the SUV with gas at the same time I was. I glanced up at him and we exchanged polite smiles.

To make my toddler happy, I started making faces at my toddler through the side window. Then I started singing "Popcorn Popping" to him, complete with actions. My two-year old year was laughing at me and singing along.

When the gas finished pumping and I finished up, I caught the gaze of the nicely dressed man as I climbed back into my car. This time he really smiled at me (I'm sure he enjoyed the show!). As I drove away, thinking about the nicely dressed couple in their expensive car, I had a moment of feeling proud of my role as a mom. I'll keep my paid-off, dented, oil-pan-gasket-leaking van so that I have a chance to make my kids happy by doing simple things like singing "Popcorn Popping" to them at the gas station.

I'm glad to be a mom!

Why I do Bird Rescue

because we get birds like this who are half-starved and sick. And we make them better. The stories are atrocious and would make you cry.

Good Things to Come

When I first heard this talk, things were very difficult for my hubby and I. It made all the difference in the world to hear it. I thought of it often. I am still inspired by it now. I hope you will be too.

Time is a Beautiful Thing

My favorite quote from Anne of Green Gables: Tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it.

You always have a chance to do better, to be better, to make it better. That's the gift that God has given to us.

(p.s. I took this picture)

Letting Go

Max, my semi-tame, wild-caught blue crown conure is going to a new home today. I'm happy and sad all at the same time. He'll be with a female blue crown. He's healthy and safe here, but he's not happy. He's lonely. So I found him a new home. I'm praying his transition will be successful and easy. I hope he likes his new girl and that the other birds don't pick on him.

Isn't he adorable? I love this bird. I'm trying to find one that's tame to be my pet.

the Saturday Work Song

(sung to: "If you're happy and you know it")

If they're whining and you hear it, must be chores.

If they're whining and you hear it, must be chores.

If they're whining and you know it, then their faces will surely show it.

If they're whining and you hear it, must be chores.

Ah, the power of Saturday chores to ruin the happiness of small people in the home. How could I be so insensitive as to make them clean up after themselves. Sheesh. Personal responsibility? What is this world coming to???

Correction:

I just reread my "testing my willpower" post. I wrote that I know I'm not the only one who struggles with my body. That didn't come out quite right. That's not to say that you all struggle with my body, but that some of you all struggle with your bodies too. Not me personally. This is when the whole "tu" "vous" thing from French would come in handy. "You" specific and "You" general. (The same thing happens in Spanish, BTW.)

But no, I don't believe that some of you are struggling with my body. Just had to clarify that. Got it?

Our bodies are our friends; our bodies are our friends. (that's better)

I have....

nothing very interesting to say.

The toddler had a 24 hour fever thing that wiped *me* out-- 101.9 to 103.1 for 24 hours. No eating, no drinking most of the time, trying to force meds down him, an unproductive trip to Instacare, having his hot little body sleep between the hubby and I for two nights, and constant unhappy crying.

Oy. I am tired.

And I realized last night that today is my friend's birthday and I'm not the least bit prepared. Sorry, H! I'm a slacker! And then I realized last night that it is now a month till my birthday and I don't have a list written or anything! ;o) Usually, I start writing birthday lists in like April. Man, I blew that one too. Guess I'll just have to buy my own! (hee, hee!) The hubby just rolled his eyes when I told him this. I asked him what card I should put my present on. He said "the Hallmark one." Drat!

My son's summer school said they'd leave for swim lessons every morning around 8:45 except they've been leaving at 8:30 and their clock is 5 minutes fast so I think I'm going to wait until I'm the only one in the front office and I'm going to take that blasted thing off the wall and set it back to the correct time because it's a HUGE strain to get him there BEFORE 8:30 which is even before they said they'd leave. (bang head on wall here).

And another thing: there's a meat packing plant down the street from here (it's a small, non-smelly one) and they have a sign up advertising office space for rent. I just don't think I could handle renting office space in a meat packing plant.... not that I need office space, but you get my drift.

And I found my bird Max a new home-- one with a big aviary AND a female blue crown. I sure hope he's happy. He'll be leaving today. I'm sure I'll cry as I clean out his cage.

Right now I'm debating between a blender and a bird for my birthday. Tough choice, huh?

Baby Blues Therapy

Poppies!

Why I Love my Street....

Last Friday, my next door neighbor unexpectedly passed away. Our neighborhood has rallied around his widow and family, providing meals, friendship, and even a monetary collection.

This morning, the top of our street was lined with flags in honor of our neighbor who was a veteran. It was a beautiful sight.

I love my street. We take care of our neighbors-- even those, like my next door neighbors, who are very private and not well known.

The funeral was a short affair and I raced home to put a pork roast in the oven for their dinner. My house has been filled with food for me to deliver to them since I was appointed "spokesperson" for the neighborhood.

Love truly knows no bounds. I'm grateful to be on a street that cares for each other. I'm sad for my neighbor's loss and I will miss her husband too.

testing the willpower

I drove home from dropping off my son at summer school this morning, still in my pjs, and passed by a friend who was out running in her super cute jogging outfit and looking fabulously tan and fit. aaaaahhhhhhh. I tried really hard to not feel like a slacker for not running.... Hey, at least I had my bra on! And maybe my super-cute new sunglasses distracted from the fact that I haven't shaved my legs for a few days.

My body is my friend. My body is my friend. My body is my friend.

(repeat after me because I KNOW I'm not the only one who struggles with my body!)

Waldo

a Worthless War

I realized yesterday how much time I've wasted fighting my own body. The energy, the negative emotion, the harsh treatment has drained me. I want to be able to run, but when I do it wipes me out for three days straight; yet I've done it anyway. I kept thinking "I should be able to run." Well, there's no "should" written into law for my body. I've resented the constant need to eat and keep my blood sugar high; I've resented the fact that my middle has widened and my bottom has thickened; I've cursed the floppy skin that overlaps my belly. I've agonized over the perpetual achy, stiffness in my muscles and joints. I've hated the fact that I can't sleep and can't stop being tired.

I've declared war on my body.

It's done me no good. After all this time, my belly still flops, I still have to eat, I'm perpetually exhausted, and there is no one thing that will make it all better.

That's the rub for me. That is what is hard to accept. In this world of pills and creams and supplements and diets and such, there is no one magical elixir to make me feel great again (excepting of course the power of Photoshop which does nothing for fatigue).

I cried a lot yesterday. I broke down in the hallway at church talking to a trusted leader-friend. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of being tired. Mostly, I'm just tired.

So I'm working now at adjusting my expectations. Size 10 will be just fine. If I want to impress someone, I'll suck my belly in when I'm sitting! I'll plan less during my days, and, if necessary, I'll take a nap. (I took a nap today after a Walmart & Costco run). I will eat more often so that my body has fuel. I will find a way to exercise and stretch my body to keep it strong without wiping it out. I will accept the fact that I cannot do everything I'd like to do (which is a lot).

I'm not to the point yet where I can say: "I will love my body." Even the thought of that makes my eyes burn with tears. But I WILL get there. I will treat my body as my friend and not as my enemy. If I'm not going to feel good and energetic all the time like I've thought I should, then at least I'll try to feel happy and grateful for what I have.

This post has made me cry. I'm wiping my tears on the sleeves of my new pink t-shirt (LOVE Kohl's). I don't want to give up and become indifferent, but I do want to give up fighting. I will work to define a new way of wholeness instead of forcing myself to fit into the old way.

Honestly, friends, I have NO earthly idea how I will do all this, but it needs to be done. I need give up the fight and channel that energy elsewhere. I don't want my daughter growing up to hate her body because she's seen her mom do it. I don't want to hate my body. It is a gift from God.

........one baby step forward.......

Serenity prayer for Gardening

My yard will never free from weeds.....

Grass will always grow better in my flower beds......

And I am OK with this.

(my neighbors.... they might be a different story)

Knock, knock

I had locked myself in my bedroom earlier today because I was on the phone with one neighbor discussing the recent, unexpected death of another neighbor. The toddler chose that moment to use his brother's "stun" gun over and over and over and over and over. Plus, he was yelling and having a great time, completely oblivious to the fact that I could not hear anything on the phone. (I even tried reminding him that I was on the phone; it didn't work. He was still noisy.)

After a few minutes of a closed door, I heard a small, firm knock on the door. I opened it, expecting the toddler and the stun gun. Instead this is what I found:

You know, sometimes it's just very nice to open your door and find a little pinata! I had to laugh. How nice of the pinata donkey to come and visit me! He's still sitting there in the middle of the doorway. I keep walking over him and smiling.

Totally random things can make you smile. So keep a look out for them!

Clarification

There's nothing dreadfully wrong with me except for the fact that I hit my "out-of-pocket" max for my insurance and that's why I'm seeing doctors I've wanted to see for years. It's all free at this point. So the sinus scan, the upper GI scope, the sleep study are only indicators of an non-existent deductible and co-pay. Nothing else. I'm not dying. I'm still the same old exhausted, achy woman I was before.

Just so as you don't worry....

The Sleep Study

My sleep study went okay. Here's a smallish picture of what most of my wires looked like. Some one my eyebrows, ears, forehead, chest, legs, and all over my hair. Plus two big bands around my chest and tummy and two finger tip covers.

I didn't sleep really well (the Ambien CR did NOT knock me out). I slept from 11:30-ish to 5:30-ish. I had to ask the tech to help me unhook so I could go to the bathroom (rather embarrassing).

Now all I have to do is wait three weeks until I can go see the doctor about what my study means and what I need to do about it. I do know that I don't have sleep apnea. I never thought I did so that's no shock.

I woke up yesterday feeling exhausted and dragged my poor body through the day. I slept very good last night. Unfortunately, I'm still exhausted this morning. Oh well. Such is my life. I'm beginning to think that the "waking up refreshed" feeling is a myth anyways. I think you're supposed to wake up and feel like you're near death. Am I right??

Nervous!

I have a sleep study tonight. I am super nervous-- the closer it gets to me leaving, the more nervous I'm becoming. I mean, not that I don't expect to sleep fabulously as I'm covered with sensors and videotapes and all..... blah! I'm taking an Ambien in case the first sleeping pill doesn't work. Otherwise, I hope to not lay there all night and think about being watched.

I just hope it helps show what's wrong with my brain and why I can't get it to shut off so I can sleep.

Lovely Library

There's few things I like better than to wander up and down the aisles at the public library, letting my eyes roam the book spines to see what jumps up and catches my eye. By the time I reach the check-out desk, my arms are laden with books of all sorts. The library is the one place where I allow myself to be truly greedy with what I take. I love my library. I'm even getting to know some of the people who work there. Such a blessed place!