It's just me..... and a friend.....

Some days it's just good to mock yourself!

"Of All People" from Segullah

OF ALL PEOPLE

Posted by Annie | October 14, 2010 | 34 Comments

With the recent reports about the devastating effects of bullying, my thoughts have turned to an experience my daughter has struggled with recently: running interference between John*, a non-LDS high school friend of hers, and Doug and Carl*, two LDS boys in our stake who have been harassing him. The three boys only know each other through her—and through Facebook, at that—but when John clicked “like” on a school-based gay support group, it showed up on the Facebook newsfeed accessible to the stake friends miles away.  The two LDS boys, each separately and unaware of the other, started sending John offensive messages and calling him horrible names, repeatedly.  They finally stopped, after my daughter pleaded and John blocked them on Facebook, but his comment to her was basically “nice church you have there.”

Through tears, my daughter expressed her dismay: “Mormon kids, of all people, should understand how to be compassionate.” Somewhere along the line, they had lost sight of charity and the second great commandment.

A new commandment I give unto you, that ye love one another;
as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.
John 13:34

. . .

It happens within our own groups, too. A few years ago, as a new Beehive, another daughter had a terrible experience at girls’ camp where some of the Laurels tied her up, gagged her, and left her alone in the cabin on the top bunk. Yes, they couldn’t have known about her secret anxieties and nightmares she’s been having for most of her life. Maybe they thought they were being funny and just teasing in a playful way. But for her, it was her worst nightmares come true.  It shattered her trust and admiration of those older girls and for months she begged to be able to attend another ward.  Of all places, of all people, she should have felt safe with her community of young sisters.

And he commanded them that there should be no contention one with another,
but that they should look forward with one eye, having one faith and one baptism,
having their hearts knit together in unity and in love one towards another.
Mosiah 18:21

. . .

When I read the recent press release issued by the church, three words especially stood out:

“This Church has felt the bitter sting of persecution and marginalization early in our history, when we were too few in numbers to adequately protect ourselves and when society’s leaders often seemed disinclined to help. Our parents, young adults, teens and children should therefore, of all people, be especially sensitive to the vulnerable in society and be willing to speak out against bullying or intimidation whenever it occurs, including unkindness toward those who are attracted to others of the same sex. This is particularly so in our own Latter-day Saint congregations. Each Latter-day Saint family and individual should carefully consider whether their attitudes and actions toward others properly reflect Jesus Christ’s second great commandment – to love one another [italics added].”

Unfortunately, research indicates that teasing and name-calling are pretty common among LDS teens. In our small one-family sample, my daughters are the only members of the LDS church in their school but their only experiences with bullying have occurred in their interactions with other church members, not school acquaintances of other faiths. We should know better but we don’t necessarily do better.

If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother,
he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen,
how can he love God whom he hath not seen?
1 John 4:20.

. . .

Is it fear? Is it ignorance? Is it that we think so highly of ourselves that “we, of all people, should know better” too easily migrates into “we, of all people, know better”? What can we do to encourage better behavior?

Perhaps, rather, we should know of all people better.

. . .

The church’s statement encourages us to speak out against bullying and intimidation whenever it occurs. As parents and leaders of youth, how can we best discourage teasing and bullying and encourage kindness and respect? What does this look like on  family, ward, stake, and church-wide levels?

What can we do as leaders and parents to mitigate the effects of bullying if it happens? How to help the bully? The bullied?

What changes to church youth programs and curricula would encourage an increase in kindness and reduction in cruelty?

*Names have been changed

Blogging Break

I've been writing my blog every week for 3 years. I think I may have accrued a little vacation time with all that. I need a break.

Starting today, I'm taking a blogging break. I'll be back ..... "later" (that's my favorite non-committal Mom answer for my children when I don't really know or want to answer their "when?" questions).

See you soon.

My Day

involved the complete gutting of a house of a friend of mine by fire. I'm glad I was able to help. I'm grateful for having a nice safe roof over my head. I'm grateful that I live in an area where people take care of each other-- even strangers. I'm grateful for awesome first responders who took care of the fire and everything else. I'm very, very grateful that no one died. Really, I'm just really, really grateful for life.

Tragedy has a way of uniting people, of bringing out the best in people.

An Amazing Blog Post

This is from a young couple who lost their 18 month old daughter unexpectedly this summer. I've been following their blog since I heard about them and I really like this post:

http://patrickandashley.blogspot.com/2010/10/habits_09.html

Nature's Antidepressant

Sweet pork burrito, black beans, no sauce, no cheese, lettuce, cilantro, three limes. . . . Aaaahhhh!

Feeling much better now!

Oh dear...

What on earth do you do with a 3 year old who knows all his letters (he needed prompting on only 3: K, N, and V) and his 9 digits but refuses to potty train?? Why can't PBS Kids have a show on potty training instead of reading???

Tonight he pointed to each letter taped to the wall in the hall and told us what letter it was, stopping at the end of the row, walking back to the beginning and picking up where he left off. He knew them. I stood there with my mouth gaping. I was fine with "T" and "B" but all of them is a bit too much! But show him the potty and UH-UH!

Sheesh!

I think I need my Mom

All three kids are sick. The dog, again, ate something bad and will soon be running at both ends (usually sometime after I've left the house or after I've fallen asleep). I feel like I've wiped over the rug with a snotty tissue. My hubby is gone and has meetings tonight.

And I'm feeling warm.

I think I need my mother. Poor woman, she's in Hawaii though.

Drat.

Sleep Deprivation, day 5 or "this little piggy went wee, wee, wee all the way home"

10:20 pm- fell asleep
10:50 pm- "Mom....... Mom......... MOM....... MOOM!....... MMMOOOMMM!!!
10:55 pm- helped my son deal with an ear infection
11:15 pm- fell back asleep (hubby stayed asleep the whole time)
1:00 am- three year old wakes up first time
1:05 am- put three year old back in bed
2:00 am- "Mom.... Mom.... MOM..."
2:02 am- make the hubby get up to help the son
2:15 am- fall back asleep
4:05 am- three year old crawls in bed with 100 degree fever and croupy sounding cough
4:35 am- crawl in bed with three year old and dog and over-sized Pooh bear, talking Tigger, and Piglet and an assortment of toys and blankets and whatnot
5 something am- finally fell asleep
7:20 am- three year old decides its time to wake up
7:22 am- send the three year old to find his dad
7:35 am- drag my weary, aching body out of bed

The thing about sleep deprivation is that it gives you weird dreams. Like having Darth Vader standing outside the church building and forcing you to go inside to find Luke Skywalker at a church activity and pull him outside so Darth can deal with him.

Ah, Morning...

There's nothing like a 7 am head butt from the toddler/3 year old to get you awake in the morning. The boy has decided there's nothing better than sleeping with his head smooshed up against mine (hogging my pillow) and his feet planted firmly on my hubby's face. He must sense that his childhood is passing quickly and he is trying to embrace all of it before it passes away.

That's fine, but if he's going to embrace his youth in my bed, my hubby & I will sleep in his.

So I got up this morning and headed to the doctor at 8 am for the yearly checkup involving stirrups that every woman dreads. Nothing like an exam to get your day started right. Plus, the medical assistant insisted on weighing me so their computer program could continue to tell me I am overweight. I don't know what its problem is-- I've never done anything rude to it. Besides, my mom says I'm not fat and that I look good with a few extra pounds. And, really, if I am overweight according to these standards (at 140 pounds), then no wonder Americans have an obesity problem. Maybe we should reprogram these lousy doctor's programs to listen to our mothers instead of listening to a scale that weighs me when I am fully clothed. Why not do a weight check when we all have the flimsy gown on? Huh? Sheesh.

My doctor asked today if I had ever tried XYZ meds.

Yes, they make me psycho.

We have a smaller dose of it, she tells me. A half dose.

So I can be slightly psycho?

Yes, psycho or slightly psycho. Those are your options.

Hmm, I'm going to have to get back to you on that, I tell her. I left without a prescription in hand. I think my children have enough psycho-ness from their mom who is trying to deal with a crazy life and they don't need medically induced psycho-ness added in.

I get home to find my daughter feels like she's going to throw up. The spew flu has been going around and I guess she was kind enough to pick it up from one of the kids who threw up in her class at school. For the record, let me state: I AM NOT A GOOD VOMIT MOM. I can handle sicknesses: sore throats, high fevers, rashes, pink eye, snot, even broken bones, and split open skin. I DO NOT LIKE VOMIT! Thank heavens for Zofran, a beautiful medicine absorbed under the tongue that quells vomiting. Now she's got a sore stomach, a headache, and is tired. I can handle all these things though it would have been nicer of her to be home sick on a day when I didn't have things to do that required me to leave the house showered and dressed. . . . though technically I did leave the house this morning without changing out of my pjs/house pants, but, really, who expects someone to dress up for a yearly physical???

I did shower. I did get dressed. I did my hair. I put on some makeup. I feel I should be productive now, but I don't really want to. I did get some more Christmas shopping done yesterday while waiting for Costco to put four new tires on my van. That's a bonus.

My dog is laying beside me on the bed in the sun. I wonder if I could push him out of the way and sun myself for awhile like a cat. I'd be more tempted except for the fact my three year old is roaming the house now and me laying down will set off his 'Mom Relaxation' sensors and he'll come charging. I have already shared a bed with him enough for one 24 period, thank you very much.

Perhaps I'll go do something productive in the living room, like sitting on the couch and reading.

Smell like a Monster

The Letter "T" or "how PBS Kids is ruining my son's kindergarten career"

My three year old started watching PBS Kids with his sister over the summer and got quite addicted to "Dinosaur Train" and "Word World." I wasn't overly worried about it until two months ago when he pointed to the keyboard on my laptop and said "T."

Excuse me?

He pointed again to the T key. "T."

It's all been down hill since then. He learned half of his letters and most of his colors, all before the age of 3 (so, like, before yesterday). He's currently into reading a lift-the-flap book about states and their capitals. He knows most of his shapes and still spends a lot of time each day looking at books and being read to.

At first, I resisted. "Don't teach him 'oval'!" I'd scold my husband. "You're ruining his kindergarten year!"

Excuse me?

He's going to be an old kindergartener to begin with (starting two months before his 6th birthday). We have two years of preschool still to go and he's going to know ALL of what they want to teach before he even starts any of it! He'll be bored and naughty in kindergarten class and will stand on his chair and loudly ask to touch people's armpits and make everyone left and then be sent to the principal! All at the tender age of 5!

My husband didn't buy it.

So, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. So now we have letters and colors and shapes taped to the walls near his room. He's learning them all pretty quickly. He's a smart kid. Plus, he loves to be in the spotlight. And he's a boy. All these things combined spell: Kindergarten Terror! What else is he supposed to do when all the other kids are chanting "a-a-a-apple" and he's already reading or something crazy like that. He'll stick up his hand and proclaim "I learned that when I was two. Duh!" I'm already shaking my head, I tell ya.

I'm telling you: kindergarten is ruined. I think I'll have my husband listed as the primary contact that year so he can field the calls from the teacher who wants to know what to do with our son who won't stop doing things to make the other kids laugh because he's bored out of his mind and the teacher can no longer pretend that she's not laughing too! It ain't going to be pretty.

Thanks PBS for ruining my child. I suppose I only have myself to blame. Had we had cable or satellite then he would have been stuck watching Disney which would have guaranteed to teach him ZERO! (sorry, Disney fans).

----------------------------
As a side note:

Yesterday at church, he asked over and over and OVER again for a drink. Then he asked (loudly) if my pantihose were like socks. (Yes, I wore pantihose to church. Why? I am still wondering that.) He whined one of 4 questions to me every minute for the entire hour and 20 minute block. Oh my!

Amazing! "Star Wars in 2 minutes" on Paper!

Jeremy Messersmith - Tatooine @ Yahoo! Video

a Wee bit Argumentative, perhaps

My toddler-soon-to-be-three son has been in the "Nu uh" phase of his life for quite some time (since birth, I believe). I realized that it has gotten serious today while we were driving.

On the radio a political ad for the incumbent governor started to play. The governor went through his whole spill and then at the end said "I'm Gary blah- blah- blah."

"Nu uh!" my toddler quickly said back. "You's not Gary."

Oy!

Door Sign

My daughter posted a sign on her door last week. It said:

KNOCK FIRST!!! If I don't answer, I am dead. Leave a message on the pad below. 

I'm thinking that is an excellent idea for a message. It could work for my front door AND my cellphone. Whaddya think?

All I can say

is that it's okay to have a good cleansing cry sometimes. I mean, as long as it's not everyday, but some days. It's a good thing.

a Matter of Importance

Yesterday, I found myself thinking "you know, I used to be important." You see, once I did a lot of important speaking engagements and had the secretary for the Governor's wife calling me to schedule times for the First Lady of the state and I to do TV appearances. I stood on stage at the E Center with the governor's arm around my shoulder. I spoke with the Utah Attorney General, the US Attorney General, and many other "important" dignitaries in this area. Every newspaper and TV station featured me multiple times. I drove and flew around the entire state giving presentations on abuse and telling my story. I was busy and sought after and applauded at every turn. The praise and applause became rather addicting. It always felt good to receive a standing ovation (honestly, I got quite used to them).

When I got pregnant with my toddler, I decided to give up speaking. I didn't feel good and had no desire to stand in front of large groups of people with a pregnant belly. I stopped speaking for 4 years. The black tie Gala last month was the first time since 2007 that I spoke in front of a group. The applause had the same effect on my soul: it made feel important.

Two days after the Gala, my hubby was put in our ward bishopric (to me a position of importance). I've struggled with the importance issue ever since then.

So fast forward to last night. It was a combination of things that brought the thought to my mind and it ate away at my soul for awhile. After returning home from the church with my family, as I struggled to get them all ready for bed by myself, I ended up standing outside with my toddler waiting for my dog to do his business.

"Look, Mom! Stars!" my toddler said, pointing up to a small patch of the sky where the clouds had parted.

I looked down at this small person standing by my side and realized that I am the most important person in his life. I thought about my other kids and my hubby and my birds and my dog and my tortoise (kinda). I am the most important person to each one of them. There's no applause or jet-setting or pats on the back from "important" state people. There's just them and me.

And I am important, the most important woman in the world.

Now the goal is for me to make that fact the most important fact for me. Which will be a struggle, I know, but it can be done. It needs to be done. It's my current focus. For my own sake, for the peace of my soul, I need to be content with being continually important to a handful of 2 and 4 legged people/creatures instead of temporarily important to a group of strangers. I'm working on it....

the Wind in my Sails (or Snails works too)

I had a visit with some friends planned at 10 am this morning and then another one at 12. But the noon one wouldn't work out because of the snotty nose my toddler was sporting yesterday. So I got myself all geared up to get ready to go and be out of the house before 10. Then my friends called and postponed that get-together till tomorrow at 10.

Boy, that took the energy out of my body. I'm thinking I'm going to crawl back into bed. I've suddenly lost the desire/energy/excitement to do anything. Anything except crawl back into bed with a book and my dog. The question is: how long can I lay on my bed before my toddler discovers me and wants to start jumping on me?? Yesterday I laid on his floor for like 25 minutes and his "Mother is Down" sensors didn't even kick on. I think it was because he and his brother were making a mess in the living room. There's no brother here today and the living room is still a mess. So it's possible I could have a short time on the bed without him, a book, and a dog. I'm going to go for it anyways. I think my bed needs me right now.

Really!


--------------------------
OK, that was just creepy! I seriously just moments ago hit "Publish Post," grabbed a book from my library shelf in my back closet, and was reaching down to move my blanket out of the way on my bed so I could lay down and the toddler (from the kitchen) yelled: "WHAT ARE YOU DOING???"

Man! Where does he get that from?

Of course, now I'm not on my bed but standing back in the hall where he leaves me alone because he knows I'm doing my "work" on my computer. "Work" being loosely defined as checking email, checking the news & their classifieds for birds, checking out Facebook, and looking through my blog feeds.

Sigh.

Christmas Confessional

I started Christmas shopping last month. Bought presents for my kids' teachers, for my toddler, for some friends. Got the list going for my other two kids. Got ornaments for the family (bought those in January). I think I could probably have my Christmas shopping done by Halloween.

Kinda creepy, huh?

Meet the Latest Addition

He's a one year old peach-front conure who has a plucking problem. Perhaps it was because his previous owner fed him sunflowers and cornflakes...? He's a sweet little bird who never had a cage-- just a homemade playstand. This one I actually rescued on my own with my own money and I think I'll keep him. He is still adjusting to life with a cage and can be protective of it, but, boy, does he like food! We just have to get his feathers to grow back.

He doesn't really have a name yet, and, yes, I know I'm crazy. But he's only bird number 6.

16 Quarts, give or take

We ran out of containers on Saturday night so we had to improvise with cups and pots and such, but I think we got about 16 quarts. Here's 15 jars. The rest is in the fridge for us to drink-- whenever we get over being tired of grape juice!

Our own version of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell"

Last night our kids were being really bossy with each other. Finally, my hubby asked my son: Who's the boss here?

The toddler ran into my room and asked "Who's the boss?" I said: ME!

Later, the toddler was being bossy and my husband asked him: "Who's the boss?"
The toddler pointed to me and yelled "MOM!"

The husband knew right where he stood in the family!

If you don't want to know, don't ask! ;o) With a toddler, you never know what answer you'll get!

I Made It!

I made it to October 4th without logging into Facebook once! I'm proud of myself for sticking it out and learned one important truth: my laptop rules my life as badly (if not worse) than my toddler. So I need to make some changes so I can focus on the real things in life instead of always getting online just to see if there's anything interesting going on.

For me that means turning off my laptop more. And not turning it on until after I'm ready in the morning and the kids are mostly ready. I usually turn it on first thing in the morning. I'm good with letting it "rest" until after breakfast! It can sleep in-- since I can't!

I've already been on the computer for like 15 minutes and I haven't checked Facebook yet. See the self-control and will power? (look quick because I'm pretty much over it! ) LOL!

"Gapes-Joos"

We had 4 times as many grapes this year as last year. Those pitchers are full of grapes too! 

Making juice is fun to do, fun to do, fun to do! 

Um, making juice is a MESS! The spout broke off and sprayed the floor (and me) with hot juice. Youch! 

I'm speckled! You should have seen the spill on the floor!  

The sad thing is that it is 8:52 pm on Saturday and I'm not even done. I ran out of jars. I have 8+ quarts cooling outside, three 2 1/2 quart pitchers full of juice in the fridge, and another batch to drain off tomorrow morning and nothing to put it in except our big stock pot. Then Monday morning I shall run to the store for more jars and finish the process. Last year I think I got 12 quarts of juice. I'll get way more than that this year.

But right now-- I don't like "gapes joos" very much.

Ouch!

It's not easy to be a BYU Cougar fan tonight.....

or last week.....

or.....

Ouch!

Down by Two

I sold my two cockatiels today. I've had them the longest of any of my birds. I sure hope they do well in their well new home. I'm down to only 6 birds.

I'm feeling rather melancholy. It's nice to have fewer birds, but I'm sad to lose these two.

Day Five-- I'm ready to be done

I'm ready to be back on Facebook, but I'm going to stick it out till the 4th. But I'm missing my friends. I'm thinking of all the friends I keep track of through their posts. I miss hearing about you!!! Just a few more days. I'll get there.