At Uncle Kent's Grave Site

We buried Uncle Kent yesterday in a plot next to his parents in the Rose Hill Cemetery in Idaho Falls. It's a beautiful spot in the older part of the cemetery. Once again in life (and in Spirit), Uncle Kent is back with his parents. It was a beautiful and tender service. 

I am honored to have been like Kent's daughter for the end of his life. I expect our bond will continue for the eternities. :) 

2:08 pm

Uncle Kent left behind his well-used mortal body and joined his family in a glorious reunion in heaven at 2:08 pm. He was pretty agitated for the 20 minutes beforehand and I was holding his hands, kissing them, and bathing them with my tears as he died. He would gasp for breath and cry out a bit and I reassured him that everything was okay. I told him everyone was waiting for them and that I was jealous of their party. I told him to tell them all I loved them and missed them. I told him he had nothing to fear that Heavenly Father would be merciful and was waiting with open arms for him. I told him I loved him and would love him forever.

"I Believe in Christ" was playing on my laptop. Just FYI. :)

Thoughts on Dying

I am sitting in a warm sunny room at the bedside of my 93 year old dying great uncle. His breathing is ragged and strained, and he is mostly unresponsive to the world around him. I expect him to pass within the next few hours. I am honored to be here.

Beth & Kent Clark, 1939

Kent Clark is my Grandma Beth's big brother and she was always fiercely protective of him. Kent was the oldest of three kids born to Laurence and Chloe Clark in Idaho. When Chloe died young, she left behind two teenage sons, Kent & Richard, and her only daughter Beth who was only 11 years old. The family stuck close together even before Chloe died because she was in poor health from a heart condition.

Chloe Nixon Clark

Lawrence Clark, soldier in World War I

Grandma Beth was raised by her Dad and her big brothers. It only seems appropriate that she went on to have 6 sons and 1 daughter. :) Kent suffered greatly after the death of his mom and ended up leaving home early to make his way in the world. From the time he was 16 to the past year, Kent spent much of his time alone. He has traveled from Alaska to Kansas to Los Angeles to Seattle and everywhere in between. He led a hard life, drinking and smoking. He was never around family for very long, but both his brother and sister did all they could to take care of him when they saw him.

10 years ago, Grandma died, leaving Kent's care to her husband (and my Grandpa) Clifford. Every month, Cliff gave Kent money and checked in on him. Every week, Kent would call Cliff instead of Beth and spend an hour on the phone with him telling him all sorts of random information. Beth used to complain that Kent never shut up! It was especially hilarious considering how many times others said the same thing about her! Chattiness is a Clark family trait, for sure!

Beth Clark Hansen

Clifford Hansen, soldier in World War II

8 years ago, Clifford died and I immediately worried who would care for Kent. He had long since lost his ex-wife and son. His other brother, Richard, died in 1996. He was the last of Laurence & Chloe's children and he was all alone.  Without any hesitation, Nate & I adopted Uncle Kent. I like to tease that we inherited Uncle Kent and a grandmother's clock from my grandparents. We scored on both accounts! ;)

Kent still remained independent and well off for many years. We met him once a month and continued to give him money. In 2007, after he was taken to the hospital in poor health, I worked to get him on Salt Lake County's Aging Services program. For years, he had a home health nurse, a senior companion, and several other aides who came into his 3rd floor apartment and took care of him. He was able to live independently at home while still having help.

The day we moved Kent out of his apartment of 13 years 

Last year, Nate & I took over a more active role in Kent's care and I started working with his doctors to increase his level of care. In February, his home health aide arrived at his apartment to find him wedged between his bed and the wall. Sadly, he had been there for many hours (possibly days). From the hospital, we transferred him to a nursing home in downtown Salt Lake where he stayed for 10 days. He was miserable those 10 days. He was stuck in a little room with a roommate. Nate & I struggled to drive the 40 minutes each way to take care of him.

Three weeks ago, we moved Kent to the Avalon Nursing Home in Bountiful, only a 6 minute drive away from our house. He had his own private room and was SO much happier. He called daily and we checked in on him frequently. His health continued to decline quickly and he had *severe* edema.
As his health failed, he became more and more similar to my sweet Grandma. He started saying "Bless your heart" and "Isn't that something?" two things she often said to me. I would often look up at him to see if it really was him with me and not somehow my grandma. It tore at my heart a little bit as I remembered again how much I miss my grandma in my life.

Yesterday, I stopped by to check on him. I found him in his wheelchair. I helped him into bed and made him comfortable. Within moments of laying down, Kent's body started to shut down. Blood tests showed that his kidnesy are quickly failing in addition to his heart and lungs. I met with the doctor last night who said Kent would only have 2 to 5 days. He had moments of lucidity last night on and off.

Last night

Right before I left him last night around 9:30, I moved his oxygen cannula back into his nose and started him. He reached up and grabbed my hand, thinking I was a bug. I told him that I was going home to put my kiddos to bed and that I'd be back in the morning. He looked up at me and said "You are an angel. Bless your heart." I kissed his forehead and moved out of the room.

Today we took him off his oxygen. He is getting liquid morphine every hour to help keep him calm and comfortable. His breathing is much more labored and his lungs have started to rattle. We signed him up for hospice today and the hospice nurse it's only a matter of hours before he passes. Because his decline has been so quick, I don't expect him to make it past today.

I didn't want Kent to die with the sounds of game shows playing loudly on the other residents' TVs so I have my laptop playing my Mormon Tabernacle Choir playlist. He is comfortable and fairly incoherent.  He doesn't respond to anyone talking to him. The only time he really stirred was when a well-intentioned, but misguided CNA came into to reposition him. Instead of moving his position, she decided to change his brief (adult diaper), and boy did he hate that. She was not kind or gentle with him. It took me awhile to get him calmed down after that. I am feeling very protective of him and will not let anyone else near him.

Shortly after I got him calmed down, the hospice CNA came to help me shave Kent and trim his nails. The CNA was so gentle and kind. He lovingly wiped Kent's face and eyes. He shaved him and then washed off his hair and ears. He trimmed his nails and cleaned his hands. Then he lovingly smoothed down Kent's blankets and pillow. It was so wonderful to see how tender he was. He truly is a talented hospice worker. I felt blessed to have his support.

So now we wait. I've made arrangements to be here all day today. Nate will join me around 5 and then I'll go home to help take care of the kids. Luckily, Nate has tomorrow off and it will be easier to sit with Kent (if he is still hanging on). My goal is to make sure Kent is loved in the end. He may have had a hard life, but he is going to have a beautiful & peaceful ending. I'd prefer that he not die alone, but I do realize he has his parents and siblings waiting for him anxiously on the other side. I imagine the reunion will be glorious. I am jealous I cannot be there for it. :)

I'm not exactly sure when he will leave this mortal body. I expect it to be soon. I am curious to know what song will be playing when he leaves. I'll be sure to write it down.

Again, as hard as it is, I am honored to be here. I have come to love and adore my great uncle and feel blessed to have been his caretaker and guardian for all these years. He is a wonderful man and I expect he'll have lots to do on the other side. I am grateful for the knowledge that life does not end at death. His spirit will continue to exist and progress. I will see him and my grandparents and my great grandparents again. THAT will be a joyous reunion.