Thursday, June 30, 2011
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Almost there....
June has been C.R.A.Z.Y.!!! I started my CNA class on June 5th and have put in 50 in-class hours and 22 clinical hours. I have 5 hours to do today and then 4.5 left and I am DONE!! I could have spread the class out over 6 weeks, but I wanted to be done.
I couldn't have done it without the help of my sis-in-law Anne. She has been a fantastic nanny for me on multiple occasions. My kids love her. I love her. She can drive my van. It's been awesome.
Once I'm done with class, then I have to study to take my state board exam and pass my skills test and then I'm a CNA. I will get that done in the 2 months I have before my EMT class starts because once I'm done with my EMT class I have to take the state board exam & skills test for EMT skills.
Phew. I'll be glad next year when all I have to do is take two classes a semester!
I couldn't have done it without the help of my sis-in-law Anne. She has been a fantastic nanny for me on multiple occasions. My kids love her. I love her. She can drive my van. It's been awesome.
Once I'm done with class, then I have to study to take my state board exam and pass my skills test and then I'm a CNA. I will get that done in the 2 months I have before my EMT class starts because once I'm done with my EMT class I have to take the state board exam & skills test for EMT skills.
Phew. I'll be glad next year when all I have to do is take two classes a semester!
Monday, June 27, 2011
Friday, June 24, 2011
Write? .... Right? ... right
One of my daughter's best friends has a dad who is a very popular and well-known children's author. Yesterday while at Costco I ran into him and his daughter. As we chatted, I asked him about his career. The answers were good-- new book contract, working with his agent, a new book coming out, touring all over the nation doing presentations, etc. He's living the author dream.
Then he asked me-- "What are you writing?"
Me: "Uh, a nursing paper."
He was a bit confused. "No really," I told him, "I'm not writing. I teach a writing class in juvenile detention and I blog about writing, but I don't actually write."
It was an awkward moment. I went on to explain I had started back to school and would be graduating sometime around the time our daughters graduated from high school. The conversation got slightly less awkward and then Hey! Look at those licorice samples! And Hey! It was good to see you! And See you around!
My hubby reminds me that life is like a cup of water. You can only spread the water so far. You can choose to put a little water on a lot of things or a lot of water on a few things. You don't have an endless water supply either. You have to make choices on what to focus on. I remember this a lot when I think about writing. So instead of walking away from my successful author friend feeling like somehow I've shortchanged myself, I felt fine.
I wish I was writing. I love writing. I think I'm a pretty good writer. But life is not conducive to me being a writer right now. I mean, I could be a writer, but that would leave less time for other things. And those other things, when it comes right down to it, are far more important to me than having my name on another contract or book cover.
Maybe one day I'll publish another book. Maybe. But if not, that's okay. Because along the way I'm doing a lot of other really great and neat and wonderful and fun and fulfilling things. And that's okay.
Then he asked me-- "What are you writing?"
Me: "Uh, a nursing paper."
He was a bit confused. "No really," I told him, "I'm not writing. I teach a writing class in juvenile detention and I blog about writing, but I don't actually write."
It was an awkward moment. I went on to explain I had started back to school and would be graduating sometime around the time our daughters graduated from high school. The conversation got slightly less awkward and then Hey! Look at those licorice samples! And Hey! It was good to see you! And See you around!
My hubby reminds me that life is like a cup of water. You can only spread the water so far. You can choose to put a little water on a lot of things or a lot of water on a few things. You don't have an endless water supply either. You have to make choices on what to focus on. I remember this a lot when I think about writing. So instead of walking away from my successful author friend feeling like somehow I've shortchanged myself, I felt fine.
I wish I was writing. I love writing. I think I'm a pretty good writer. But life is not conducive to me being a writer right now. I mean, I could be a writer, but that would leave less time for other things. And those other things, when it comes right down to it, are far more important to me than having my name on another contract or book cover.
Maybe one day I'll publish another book. Maybe. But if not, that's okay. Because along the way I'm doing a lot of other really great and neat and wonderful and fun and fulfilling things. And that's okay.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
"But"-Less Praise
Do you give praise often? Is it "but" free? I had an experience recently where the enormous amount of work I had done on a project was praised by those it helped, but it was always followed with a "but." By the 4th "compliment" I was more irritated than gracious.
"this is great work.... but...... it's not correct." or "this took a lot of time, but.... it's not enough"
Praise followed by a critique or a criticism isn't really praise. It's a veiled correction and can often feel demeaning. A simple little word attached to the end ruins any ability to praise or impress. Be free with your praise! Keep the "buts" where they belong!
"this is great work.... but...... it's not correct." or "this took a lot of time, but.... it's not enough"
Praise followed by a critique or a criticism isn't really praise. It's a veiled correction and can often feel demeaning. A simple little word attached to the end ruins any ability to praise or impress. Be free with your praise! Keep the "buts" where they belong!
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Training Wheels
Part of my CNA class this month requires 4 clinical rotations at a local mega-size hospital and at a long term care facility. I've been so excited about going to the clinicals and having a chance to work with real people. Yesterday I had to go to the mega hospital (also known as the "Death Star" to some) to get my student ID badge and the immensity of that space overwhelmed me. It's HUGE! And I'll be one little CNA in training. And it's huge and my nerves started growing and growing. I kept wondering if I'd be able to do what I needed to do for my rotations. Would I be lost the whole time, wondering what was going on?
Later that day I was writing a note to a friend and was telling her about the experience of going to the hospital when a thought occurred to me. My ID badge says "STUDENT" very clearly on both sides. That phrase immediately tells people I'm in training and their expectations should be lower. I can't be expected to know everything; I'm there to learn. I could feel the pressure to perform lessening and my nervousness shrinking.
Then a little light bulb went on in my head. I need to list myself as a "STUDENT" in all the areas of my life! I'm a mom-in-training since I've never been a mother to this age of kids before. I'm still a wife-in-training because this is my first time being married for 13 years. I'm a librarian-in-training in my church since I've never done that before either. My whole life is a training ground and I'm covering new territory everyday. It's unfair/unwise/unkind to expect myself to know everything and do everything perfectly right because I'm still learning!
It was truly an "Ah Ha!" moment for me. Now I can visualize myself riding through life with my training wheels on and allowing myself the right to make mistakes, and even mess up royally sometimes. I'm a "STUDENT" of this life.
And guess what? So are you! We've all got our training wheels on!
Later that day I was writing a note to a friend and was telling her about the experience of going to the hospital when a thought occurred to me. My ID badge says "STUDENT" very clearly on both sides. That phrase immediately tells people I'm in training and their expectations should be lower. I can't be expected to know everything; I'm there to learn. I could feel the pressure to perform lessening and my nervousness shrinking.
Then a little light bulb went on in my head. I need to list myself as a "STUDENT" in all the areas of my life! I'm a mom-in-training since I've never been a mother to this age of kids before. I'm still a wife-in-training because this is my first time being married for 13 years. I'm a librarian-in-training in my church since I've never done that before either. My whole life is a training ground and I'm covering new territory everyday. It's unfair/unwise/unkind to expect myself to know everything and do everything perfectly right because I'm still learning!
It was truly an "Ah Ha!" moment for me. Now I can visualize myself riding through life with my training wheels on and allowing myself the right to make mistakes, and even mess up royally sometimes. I'm a "STUDENT" of this life.
And guess what? So are you! We've all got our training wheels on!
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Fair doesn't always mean Equal
Summer is a hard time for me as a mother. Not because I don't like having my children home, but because of the adaptations we have to make for our son so he can be happy and functional. I'm a stay-at-home mom. I am choosing to raise my kids and be here for them as much as I can. I am very lucky because I can do this. Unfortunately, my son does not function well at home. Without the strong external structure of school, he flounders. Weekends are tough anyways, three-day weekends quickly turn into nightmares. Summer break.... it gets bad.
The first summer we had our son with us, I tried my hardest to create a completely structured environment for him during those three months. It wasn't enough. The second summer, at the recommendation of our counselor, we put our son in summer school and he did much, much better. Every summer since then, he's in summer school. And every summer morning, I, while wearing my house pants, drop him off at school even though my other kids are staying with me.
It's hard. I've struggled to not feel like a failure. I struggle to let go of my ideas of how it's "supposed" to be. I mourn for the ideal of a boy who spends a normal summer day running around the yard and riding bikes and playing and sleeping in and being a kid. I often end up dreading the experience of letting go of one of my kids because I am not enough for him, because I cannot meet his needs. I wonder if it is really fair to stick one kid in school while the others are home with me.
My son's counselor is a gift to our family. I'd be lost without his guidance and support. He is so good to remind me that fair does not mean equal and that love means doing what is best for your child, not necessarily what works well or what you expected. His counsel and advice helps me most days. There are still days when my heart is heavy as I drop off my son for someone else to tend and teach. I look forward to the day when school starts and he can be like every other boy his age and go to school.
For the past few months, we have been working with our son's counselor and psychiatric nurse to find a more suitable medicine for him. It's been very, very, very difficult. We have seen firsthand what he's like with no medicine to stabilize him and even then we couldn't bring ourselves to let him go all the way down into a mood spiral. The gap between where he is now and where he should be is growing ever wider, and the sense of loss over what he could/should become is powerful enough some days to steal my breath away.
I love this kid with a crazy, intense, overprotective passion and yet it's not enough to heal him or make him all better. My love can't make him a normal, everyday kind of boy. But I keep trying to put up the boundaries and stabilize him through counseling & meds & structure & anything else I can possibly think of. I won't ever quit on this boy, even though many days I wonder if I'm as terrible of a mom that he tells me I am. I'll keep trying and pushing and loving and supporting and fighting to make his life good. And it won't be equal, but it will be fair. It won't be exact to his brother & sister, but it will be what he needs the most. And hopefully, in the long run, it will be enough.
Last week, after a really terrible day and night, I pulled my car into the summer school parking lot. Instead of jumping out, I stopped and turned around to look at him. "One day," I told him, "you will be able to see how everything I am doing is because I love you so much. One day, you'll know just how much I love you." I dropped him and drove home crying because I can only hope that I am right-- that one day he'll know how much I love him and how much I'm fighting for him and loving him and going against the odds to help him grow. Maybe one day, he'll see how fair everything was.
The first summer we had our son with us, I tried my hardest to create a completely structured environment for him during those three months. It wasn't enough. The second summer, at the recommendation of our counselor, we put our son in summer school and he did much, much better. Every summer since then, he's in summer school. And every summer morning, I, while wearing my house pants, drop him off at school even though my other kids are staying with me.
It's hard. I've struggled to not feel like a failure. I struggle to let go of my ideas of how it's "supposed" to be. I mourn for the ideal of a boy who spends a normal summer day running around the yard and riding bikes and playing and sleeping in and being a kid. I often end up dreading the experience of letting go of one of my kids because I am not enough for him, because I cannot meet his needs. I wonder if it is really fair to stick one kid in school while the others are home with me.
My son's counselor is a gift to our family. I'd be lost without his guidance and support. He is so good to remind me that fair does not mean equal and that love means doing what is best for your child, not necessarily what works well or what you expected. His counsel and advice helps me most days. There are still days when my heart is heavy as I drop off my son for someone else to tend and teach. I look forward to the day when school starts and he can be like every other boy his age and go to school.
For the past few months, we have been working with our son's counselor and psychiatric nurse to find a more suitable medicine for him. It's been very, very, very difficult. We have seen firsthand what he's like with no medicine to stabilize him and even then we couldn't bring ourselves to let him go all the way down into a mood spiral. The gap between where he is now and where he should be is growing ever wider, and the sense of loss over what he could/should become is powerful enough some days to steal my breath away.
I love this kid with a crazy, intense, overprotective passion and yet it's not enough to heal him or make him all better. My love can't make him a normal, everyday kind of boy. But I keep trying to put up the boundaries and stabilize him through counseling & meds & structure & anything else I can possibly think of. I won't ever quit on this boy, even though many days I wonder if I'm as terrible of a mom that he tells me I am. I'll keep trying and pushing and loving and supporting and fighting to make his life good. And it won't be equal, but it will be fair. It won't be exact to his brother & sister, but it will be what he needs the most. And hopefully, in the long run, it will be enough.
Last week, after a really terrible day and night, I pulled my car into the summer school parking lot. Instead of jumping out, I stopped and turned around to look at him. "One day," I told him, "you will be able to see how everything I am doing is because I love you so much. One day, you'll know just how much I love you." I dropped him and drove home crying because I can only hope that I am right-- that one day he'll know how much I love him and how much I'm fighting for him and loving him and going against the odds to help him grow. Maybe one day, he'll see how fair everything was.
Friday, June 10, 2011
Still here
Survived my first week of school. 4 hours a night, 4 nights a week. I'm super glad this class is only 4 weeks long. I'm enjoying it, mostly. I get to do 4 clinical rotations in a nursing home and in a hospital and I'm super excited about those. This fast pace makes me appreciate our normal crazy schedule. I miss my family when I'm gone at night. I enjoy hanging out with my kids and making dinner for my family. I'll be glad when this class is done!
Friday, June 3, 2011
The Answer is "D- All of the Above"
Yesterday I decided to take all the various incentives for potty training and put them ALL together for my 3 year old. We have a special potty seat, stickers to put on a chart, jelly beans, a trip to the dinosaur museum bribe, and some serious strong-willed mother moments. All of it combined kinda worked yesterday. He sat on the potty 5 times. Slowly but surely I guess.
The latest potty training book says that it is difficult to train intelligent boys. Yep, I agree with that one. He'd rather work in his new preschool workbook or sound out the letters to the words "pipe" and "children" then sit on the potty and wait for something to happen.
It's all about incentives...... and baby steps.......
The latest potty training book says that it is difficult to train intelligent boys. Yep, I agree with that one. He'd rather work in his new preschool workbook or sound out the letters to the words "pipe" and "children" then sit on the potty and wait for something to happen.
It's all about incentives...... and baby steps.......
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