Fall Colors

 We drove up Big Cottonwood Canyon last night to check out the pretty fall colors. It was a gloomy, over-cast sort of day. It would have been prettier with sunshine, but at least we actually made it out on a drive this year!

A Beautiful List

This is my master school list-- a list of all the assignments for my main three classes that I have to do. And you know it's the best thing about it?

It's more than halfway done! Woot! Woot!!

I'm ahead in Human Development and Nutrition and on par in Chemistry. I'm surviving this semester!

Phew!

Next semester is only 2 classes. Double Phew!

Death by Chemistry

I should be doing homework. I should be reading my chapter 6 chemistry homework. I should be gaining a greater understanding of how to balance equations in a combustion/decomposition/single displacement reaction.

I should be reading this:

"In the first reaction, elemental iron reacts with hydrogen sulfate (or sulfuric acid) to form iron (II) sulfate and elemental hydrogen. In the second reaction, elemental zinc combines with nitric acid to form zinc (II) nitrate and elemental hydrogen."

Instead I'm reading this:

lkhgoihobiho iron ;k'khjoiujpiqnmcn;lshopugheuolkj 'jlo;i second klj'akj;pouihguqej'kwejijljk j;lkj';jiuo;ihgjkh;kl 'kl;j'aj;oiheoi

It's like the teacher on Charlie Brown: blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 

So as the lines blurred together while I forced myself to read, I thought again that this class will most likely kill me. It will be my demise. It will be my end. I shall never again see the light of day. And then I wonder "is this torture really necessary? am I really intent on being a nurse? surely I could find something more interesting without the chemistry."

This is why I studied social sciences the first time around in college. This is why I avoided chemistry like a plague.

So then I switched over to studying my nutrition class, thinking I should at least be something towards furthering my educational goals, but the free radicals of antioxidants made no sense whatsoever to me.

My brain is fried. My focus is lost. My best time to do homework was used today taking 4 4-year-olds to a pumpkin patch in the rain & mud. I think we'll have to try again tomorrow.

For now, I think I might lie on the couch and pretend to be dead because of chemistry. I love the drama of it. Plus, I'm too tired to cry over it. I'll save that for tomorrow too-- when I die because of another chemistry problem called "oxidation-reduction reactions" or "Avogadro's number and the mole."

(no worry, really. My superhero Chemistry husband is on the way home to explain to me how to balance equations for reactions. He'll make it right and keep me from dying. But I might lose years off my life from this chapter.)

Chemically Distracted

It's amazing how much I can get done when I'm trying hard to avoid studying for a big, big Chemistry exam. I've made grape juice, cleaned my cupboards, done laundry, bought clothes for the kids, ridden 5.5 miles in the wind and uphill, done other homework, played with my animals, laid down and listened to the radio, written and written and written on 3 of the blogs I maintain....

I'm almost ready to take my Chemistry exam. I have an appt for tomorrow at 3 pm. I'll be glad when it is done.

But first I have to finish memorizing polyatomic atoms and make sure I can differentiate between polar and nonpolar bonds. Good thing I have some time today and tomorrow.

Cleaning the Outhouse

I've been thinking a lot about therapy and the process of going through therapy or counseling in response to trauma I've been through. I'm no stranger to counselors. Since my 19th year of life, I've seen many and much of my success today goes back to the help I received from wonderful counselors. I think of Marisa who saw me right after I fled a horrible relationship. She was the one who taught me how to appropriately respond to the horror I had been through. I watched her appropriately coil in disgust or gasp or cry and I learned that what I went through was not all my fault, was not because I was such a terrible person, was not something to feel ashamed about. I will be eternally grateful to Marisa.

Going back to therapy this time was hard for me. My previous counselor was a joke and he did more damage than good. The best thing he ever did was to fire me as he client. I had all my walls and boundaries up when I went to see Maurice the first time. Very quickly, I learned I didn't need to be so protective. He was safe. The first couple of sessions were all about my hubby and I and our marriage. There weren't many sore spots that were hit. That changed last time. We tackled some residual abuse issues head on and I could feel the pain bubbling up in me and spilling out through my tears.

With one of my early counselors, I felt like I was emotionally "cleaning out the outhouse." I was shoveling through piles and piles of crud that I had been carrying around-- some of it put there by me, some of it put there by others. It was hard, horrid, dirty work, but it was necessary. Every so often I find I need a fine tuning, and it requires more digging. Over the years, though, I've meant people who keep digging, who dig it all up once and never stop. They keep sifting through their past pain, they keep turning it over, they stay firmly mired in the crap of their past.

It made me think of a little phrase:

Shovel out your "outhouse" because you want to build a garden. Don't shovel it out because you need to raise the level in your pool. 

Build on it. Don't wallow in it.

Easy for me to say? Absolutely. Do I know what I'm talking about? You bet your life. Don't believe me? Oh well. Been there, done that, building on it.

Confessions of a Chronically Overscheduled Woman

It was the grapes, in the kitchen, with a metal juicer.


That's what did me in. Next time, I shall plan school schedules to match better with canning season.

But sadly, I still have a half sink full of grapes (and an earwig or two). And pitchers full of grape juice in the fridge. And jars to be hot-water bathed too.

And a ginormous chemistry test on Thursday morning.

And if I were really honest with myself (and you), it's the new library books in the closet that are what's unfairly bloating my stress level. It's colder today, grey, rainy... I'd rather be reading on the couch with a blanket and the dogs instead of studying polyatomic ions such as ammonium and nitrate and sulfate and carbonate and phosphate.

On to reality. A reality, that is largely stained purple right now.

Marital Advice or "How to Stop Being a Nag while Playing Dead!"

A couple months ago, my hubby and I reached a stand-off point in our marriage where we couldn't figure out how to resolve some issues on our own. We were very blessed to find a great marriage counselor who has helped us a lot.

There have been a couple of times when Maurice, the counselor, has said something and my eyes have widened. "Whoa," I thought, "why didn't I ever think of that before?" I'd like to share those with you.

First, when I was single, I had an amazingly long "To-Do" list, but I never sat around expecting someone else to help me get it all done. I did the best I could and slowly plugged through it. I never sat around the house and griped to myself about my roommates not helping me get my list done. The thought of doing that is laughable! Maurice's point is that being married doesn't automatically mean you have someone who is obligated to help you with your list. It's like the merging of two people with two impossibly long "To Do" lists. Ultimately, in order for your list to get done, YOU have to do the work.

Second, have you ever sat around the house and bemoaned the fact that your neighbors don't help you out more with your yardwork or housework? Ever grumbled under your breath that they aren't considerate enough to notice on their own that your floors/yard/laundry room/van are messy and that you are obviously tired/stressed/exhausted/busy/strung out and NEED help? Really? Me neither. In fact, the thought of doing that makes me laugh out loud!

Maurice suggested asking your spouse for help the same way you ask your neighbor for help. AND to show the SAME level of appreciation when they do (or the same gratitude/acceptance when they can't!). This has created such a paradigm shift for me. I know how I react when I have to ask my neighbors for help-- it's HARD! and when they do help, I immediately feel an sense of obligation to return the favor. I have to admit that I never felt that way about asking my hubby for help. It was like somehow his only reason for being on this earth was to help me get my "To Do" list done. Wrong.

I've adapted a new philosophy for school: THE WORK IS NEVER DONE. AND THAT'S OKAY!

It's impossible to have all my assignments for all my classes done. The work is spread out for a reason; it's not all due at once. I do the best I can and move forward. And that's okay! The being okay with it part is the biggest part. We have to be okay with the fact that there will ALWAYS be things to do. Always, always, always! We do the best we can and not beat ourselves up because there is still MORE to do.

There will ALWAYS be things I want my hubby to do. There will ALWAYS be things on his "To Do" list that he has to do first. There will ALWAYS be painting/mowing/trimming/fixing/whatever that I want done that he doesn't have time to do. And that's okay. This attitude has, so far, eliminated a lot of stress and frustration for me.

I am a big girl. I got my "To Do" list done by myself when I was going to school full-time and working full-time. I can do it now too. Some things will be undone. and. . . THAT'S OKAY. :o)

Third, Maurice pointedly asked me one day (these are my words, not his) if my hubby was a total slob who accomplished nothing before I met him. Eye opener! My husband? Are you kidding? He was always going and doing and going and doing. Then Maurice added "What makes you think he'd turn into a lazy slob if you weren't nagging him?" . . . . . . . silence . . . . . . . . "Would he continue to function and accomplish things if you were suddenly dead/gone?" . . . . . yes. .  .  . . "So why do you think he won't do anything without you nagging him?"

oh.

This one really opened my eyes. To tell you the truth, I can't remember where or when I started thinking that I was somehow single-handedly responsible for making my husband successful. It's a lie. I'm not. He is. And he does a really great job. He doesn't have to do it my way. I can do it my way; he can do it his way. It works out well.

Fourth, parents don't have to be on the "same page" when it comes to parenting. He told us "When your spouse is disciplining one of the children, pretend your dead. Don't correct them. Don't interfere. Let them do it their way. It doesn't have to be your way. It doesn't have to be exactly the same. Just let them do it." I am, truthfully, still working on this one. :o)

The stress level between the hubby and I has decreased SO much in the last month or so. It's made such a big difference to have an extra person to give us advice. He's an interested, objective 3rd party. He's helping remind us what we already know and teaches us a better way to interact with each other. I'm glad we have him as a resource. I hope his words can help you in your relationships too. There certainly is enough to do each day without wasting time being grumpy about someone not helping us the way we think they should.

We did it! We did it!

We made it a week at our house with no TV, no computer games, no iPod Touch games, no Facebook, no electronic diversions.

We did it.

We all survived.

It was a therapeutic, cleansing experience.

I'm ready to go back on Facebook, but with more self-control and 2 Google Chrome apps that will help me keep track of my usage.

I'm guessing we'll be doing this every couple months to just keep us from becoming overly dependent/addicted to media entertainment.

What a long day!

Today is one of those days when I feel like I've been going non-stop, but now at the end of the day, there's not much to show for it. Blah. I'd rather have a super shiny, clean house to show off. {ha, ha-- good thing I just reread my post! I originally wrote 'shove off' instead of 'show off"! Whoops! ;o) }

I guess I do have 5 quarts of grape juice, 4 clean bird cages, a clean (new) bearded dragon cage (I broke the old one thus prompting a trip to PetCo), a clean floor, a load of bedding done, a clean van, a slightly picked garden, 2 sessions of General Conference watched, and a parrot in rescue moved to a new home (that trip took 2.5 hours total).

Not too bad. I'm exhausted. But the kids are all now clean and in pjs.

Today is my last day of Facebook vacation/seclusion. I never go on FB on Sunday so tomorrow doesn't count anyways. Monday I'm back in the saddle with a renewed desire to keep my FB usage in check. I have a time counter and a time limiter. I know I need more self-control. There's no good reason to be checking the site 6 or 7 times a day. It becomes pointless and a waste of time. There's much better things I could be/should be doing than compulsive FB checking.