Blind Devotion leads to Writing Teacher's Downfall?

Against my better judgement, I went to teach my writing class today. I am sick and very tired, but felt like I needed to be there for the kids.

Um, perhaps I was wrong. (And yes, I'm being fairly dramatic with my post & the title!)

Ay yi yi! Today was hard. There are two guys who take it upon themselves to harass me every class anyways. It's usually good, and I have fun with them. Today one of my more "interesting" students came in late and the class fell apart from there. He couldn't stop talking and giving me a hard time. He pretended to not understand anything, he talked about everything he was doing. I pretended to beat my head against a wall. Oy! Finally, when he would not listen and I had had enough, I told him he was getting annoying and to stop it before I got the staff involved.

Man, there was an intense rage that flashed in his eyes. Had I not been so tired, I might have felt scared. But even then he started calling out to staff to come over here that I wanted them. Ugh! Finally, I looked at him calmly repeated all the things he would need to add for his homework and that while I acknowledged his presence, I was DONE talking to him.

And I didn't say a word to him. I knew he was pushing me hard to get my attention, to get me to laugh, to get me to do anything in response to him. And I shut it down (my mother skills came in handy). I ignored him and finished what I had to do.

I ended the class 15 minutes early. I was so anxious to be out of there. I told the unit manager what happened and how I didn't feel good and wasn't up to taking all their grief and jokes. Mostly I told him because I felt rather lame, like somehow I had failed at keeping the class in check. I wanted to show I was still a good teacher, but it wasn't a good day for me.

As I left the manager called a couple of the kids together to tell them to knock it off. He was not happy about their behavior. I felt sorta bad as I left, but mostly I just wanted to get out of there! I had to push the alert button for the door and was hoping the main communication director would release the latch on the lock so I could get out!

Now I'm home, I'm going to eat lunch, and I'm going to take a nap. Next week, I'll go back and we'll see how things go. I'm thinking this might be a group of kids that I hold my breath and wait until they leave.

Oy vay!

Christmas Present at last!

Today I got my Christmas present:

Away with the old, ugly, metal banister!!! Hooray!

In with a new oak one! Hooray!

This is it almost completed. All that will be left will be to stain it to match the kitchen. Hooray! Hooray!

Merry Christmas me!

Can you say "Metatarsophalangeal Extension Toe Stretching Splint" three times fast?

Me neither. But this is part of my life for the next month: 10 minutes, 3 times a day, building up gradually to greater pressure for 1 hour/ 3 times a day. Lucky, lucky me.

The question, of course, has to be: which three hours of the day can I devote to sitting in a chair with my foot propped up? With all my free time, it could be hard to choose......

And yes, it does look more like a torture device than a foot stretcher. I noticed that too. It wasn't very comforting to find that the salesperson for the splint company had never actually fitted one of these to someone's foot before. He started working last week. When he had the instructions open all the way up and was following them slowly, I got my first clue that he might not be well-trained in the installation. It took a very long time. But I got to further develop my sense of patience. I sat in the chair and clipped my cuticles and then I texted my hubby and then I just sat there and waited.

Then I got to drive home in nasty snow conditions going 10 miles an hour on the freeway.

Tally Ho!

Patience *still* is a virtue (quack, quack)

Being the brave mom I am, I took my three kids to Walmart this afternoon to buy some groceries. We actually had a nice time walking up and down the aisles, buying food, and checking out the Christmas clearance. There wasn't a problem until we hit the checkout line.

Our checker made a mistake as she tried to price match my avocados. Instead of making them 2 for $1, she made them $2 each. And then she couldn't get the machine to void it. And she couldn't get a manager to respond to her two requests for help. And the checker at the line next to us couldn't get the items voided either.

There we stood with three people behind us and no way of getting help. The checker apologized several times and I just shrugged. "At this point there is nothing to do but wait," I told her. It was a bit annoying, but I wanted the $8 charge off my bill!

The longer we stood there, the more agitated the older couple behind me became. Their items were on the belt already and they became more and more upset. Finally, just as the customer service manager showed up, the lady (who had to have been in her 70's) started angrily shoving her 20 or so items back in her cart. She was halfway done with reloading the cart when the manager got the item voided. The older lady started working quicker to get her stuff off the belt and get out of that line. And she finally did-- just as I was handing the cashier my money to pay for my stuff.

I told the cashier, again, that it was fine, that I wasn't upset. I stayed calm during the whole thing and walked away feeling proud of myself and baffled by the couple behind me. I'm not casting stones, by any stretch of the imagination. Trust me, I have been the snotty customer in wait who grumbles about someone's missing checkbook, or 24 items in the Express lane, or when the cashier can't get something right. Been there, done that.

But my thought today was: What's the point? What's the point of getting upset and ruining my mood when there's nothing I can do to change it? What good does it do me? Or to anyone else for that matter?

I'm always telling my kids to "be a duck." Let it roll off your back; shrug it off; let it go. Be a duck. Finally today, I took my own advice. Patience was a gift I gave to myself and to the flustered cashier. Too bad I couldn't have given it to the older couple behind me. Perhaps they are old enough they are worried they'd die in line.....?..... Who knows? The sad thing was that they ended up standing in another line for another 8 minutes just to prove a point.

Ah, such is life.

Winter Solstice

I missed the winter solstice last week. I LOVE the winter solstice for one simple reason:

Every day the sun stays out a little bit longer!

Isn't that great? It only gets brighter from here. That is why I love the solstice!

Some days....

you just can't listen to enough BeeGees music on Pandora radio to help you pull through the whining, crying, fighting, and nagging. And that's just MY whining, etc. You haven't even heard my kids yet! ;o)

ooh, oooh. "Dancing Queen" is on. That helps sometimes-- except for the fact that the toddler is crying at the top of his lungs beside me!

GAWK!!!!

Okay, I'm breathing calmly. Calmly breathing. Time for the toddler to take a nap. Back later.

Bad Santa Skills

So my daughter is pretty much aware that Santa might not exist, but she won't actually talk to me about it. Though she did say she knows parents sometimes make up things to make their kids happy. Drat.

Then Christmas morning, my hubby asked our son who put the presents on the couch. He said "You and Mom.... just kidding." Let's just say his "just kidding" was fairly weak.

So somehow along the parenting way I've failed in my duties to convince my children to believe in-- and place all their hopes in-- a fat, mythological character. Hmmm. Maybe it's because I've never wanted this said character to get all the credit for the good presents on Christmas day. I've wanted the credit! That's probably what lead to my children's lack of enthusiasm about "santa."

I kinda feel bad, but not really. But kinda.

Just needed to vent.

A New Holiday Tradition

If you didn't see this on TV last week, then you have a second chance to watch one of the best new Christmas movies created! It's a Disney cartoon called "Prep & Landing." You can watch it online at ABC's website. You'll have to download a plugin for the viewer, but it is worth it.

Check it out!

http://abc.go.com/watch/prep-and-landing/243219/243629/prep-and-landing

Merry Christmas!

My Foot, as of today

Last night we drove through a snowstorm to get up to Ogden so I could have my pain pump and bandaging removed. It was rather stressful and we were late, but we made it!

My doctor said repeatedly how great my foot looked! He was impressed by it. "I hope," he told me, "you know enough about your foot to see how incredible it is doing right now. This was major surgery and this is what we hope things to look like." He loved my X-rays too. It was refreshing.

Now, if you get squeamish with surgery and stuff, I recommend you not look at the picture below. The blue side-to-side lines are marker and not stitches-- so at least that part looks a bit more gruesome than the rest. I have multiple shades of bruising on my foot (top and bottom) and on my toes. It is quite a sight! This picture was taken after a quick wash in the shower. Over the next few days, I suspect the iodine stains will wear off too.

Now I'm wearing gauze with a thin layer of wrap to hold it in place (it's purple today to match my shirt). It's easier to walk on and I'm trying to force myself to walk normally instead of walking on the outer edge of my foot (which is killing my hips).

So, while I can't actually tell that it's "awesome," I will take my doctor's word on it. Next Tuesday he's fitting me with some sort of splint and then the following week I get my stitches out. He said I could run a marathon as soon as the stitches are out..... I don't know about that, but it's nice to keep it as an option, just in case.!?..

Ah, Children....

Me (to my kids): These are all the lists of chores we'll need to get done in the next two days before Grammy & Grandpa get here. You can tape them to your doors and cross them off when they are done (isn't it sooo cool that I am raising them to be just like me?!).

Son: (says nothing, runs off to get tape; any excuse to use the tape dispenser is a happy one for him)

Daughter: What are you writing now?

Me: A main list of everything that needs to be done. See? There are the same things on this one that are on yours. Like Laundry-- Sorting and Folding.

Daughter: (puzzled) Folding??

Me:

Daughter: (still looking at me with a raised eyebrow)

Me: (laughing) Yes, folding. It's the preferred method for laundry.

Ah, children. They make life more interesting. Like when they throw the cushions off the couch. Or when you find your lotion squeezed on top of your toothbrush. Or finding Christmas tree ornaments in the pots & pans cupboard. Or listening to shouts of "THAT'S NOT FAIR!!" Children. I'm hopeful that some of them will survive to adulthood. It's hard to say some days. They seem very intent on self-destruction.

Household Survey Results, December 2009

Dear Madam/Mrs/Ms.

A recent household survey shows that 100 % of household 6 year old boys are very dissatisfied with your activity planning. When asked how they felt about the opportunities for educational activities and interesting engagements, you were consistently rated "Below Average." The same survey respondents also rated themselves as "Highly Dissatisfied" with your role as "Activities Director."

In order to improve your ratings, we recommend the following changes to household routine, effective immediately:

-provide a selection of nutritious and delicious food for breakfast, snacks, lunch, snacks, and dinner.

-be willing to arrange bi-weekly play dates for household 6 year olds, keeping in mind scheduling conflicts with karate, school, and TV show times.

-provide new educational and fun activities to participate in daily. We recommend no less than 8 different activities for household 6 year olds to choose from. These must be different each day with no repetition unless specifically requested.

-be available at any point to offer praise, support, and guidance for afore-mentioned 6 year olds.

We also highly recommend that while reformatting your household Activities plan that you observe the procedures and practices of local elementary school teachers. These fine role models will help you to refine and improve your role at home.

Our organization will be supplying a follow-up survey in three weeks to document any progress you may or may not have made. Please be aware that your approval rating has historically slipped during vacation times. We encourage you to take more drastic steps to make your household 6 year old's home experience more enlightening, fun, educational, and varied.

Thank you,

Household Surveyors

an Awesome Christmas Card

sent to my dad. Yeah, he's that cool. Signed Christmas cards from Matthew McConaghey.

The New Foot Look

I'm sporting the new "yellow bee" look in foot wear these days. I'm not sure how I scored this wrap, but it certainly brings out the iodine stains and bruising in my foot. All the tubing is for the pain pump which should be going away this afternoon. I can wiggle my toes pretty good and as long as I just have this on my foot, I can walk pretty good. If I stand too long though, my foot swells up. It will be super nice to have all this off so I can take a shower instead of trying to bathe with one foot hanging out of the bathtub.

Here's a picture of the X-ray they took. See the bigger, better, improved screw? All the other improvements the doctor made aren't visible, but hopefully it will make my foot work better.

Thanks to neighbor W who took my kids for three hours this morning. I sat with my foot up and worked on some crafty projects. It was a nice break.

Getting Better

Yesterday was so very difficult. I was in a lot of pain all day. It finally got better last night and I got the pain pump to work better. I slept good and feel pretty good this morning. My foot hurts when I walk on it and it swells up when it's not elevated, but it's not nearly as bad as it was yesterday.

What a relief! I kept telling myself through my tears and silent groanings that "Today (meaning yesterday) is the worst day. Every day will get better." That helped.

I will try my best to take it easy today. Scout's honor! And I think I might attempt a bath-- not sure how that will work, but I'll try it.

Ow!

My foot hurts. I didn't sleep well last night. I am in pain. I hope this is the worst day of all.

Toddler Insomnia

Last night would have been a really good night for me to get lots of sleep. But unfortunately, it was a night when the toddler would not sleep unless I was touching him. He would not stay asleep. 1 am, 1:30 am, 2 am, 2:30 am. Finally, after trying to leave him again in his own bed at 3 am only to have him get immediately up, I crawled into bed with him. I had to use his stuffed monkey as my pillow and my arms kept going to sleep.

At 5 am I brought him to my bed. We both slept fitfully until 7:45. Within moments of me getting up, he woke up too.

Wah! I need to generate some energy somehow because I'm going to teach my writing class at 11 am. And then it's home, put the toddler to bed, have the neighbor come over, and then it's off to the hospital for surgery.

What a day

Nerves......

This is my right foot:

Notice anything different?

Yep, I have a titanium screw in my metatarsal joint (my big toe joint). I had it done in February 2008, but it didn't work.

Tomorrow I'm going in for another surgery that will basically reconstruct the right half of my right foot: bigger screw, shortening of my metatarsal bone, and the shaving down of my joint.

I have to admit that I am nervous about. I have a 24 hour window in which I can be wimpy and not walk on it, but after that I HAVE to be up and walking on it. I can't remember how I reacted last year (must have blocked the memories) so I am not sure what to expect for this time. I do know I'll wear a boot for 6 weeks, have physical therapy, and will have to work at regaining my flexibility.

No more running for awhile. No more matching shoes. I suppose I could try to milk the injury for some good sympathy and support, but I'm just not inclined to do that. I'd rather not do the surgery, but seeing as how I'm in daily pain in my foot and it's getting worse.....

Sigh. Some I'm feeling rather edgy and uptight today. I'll be glad when it's done. Plus I have to go in fasting. Not eating is a terrible experience for my blood sugar and body. After I'm done I want pizza! Or a burger! Or both!

Wish me luck!

Tally ho! (groan)

Today's Morning School Drop-off Attire

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. I'm sure this has more than that....

(brown snow shoes, knee-high rainbow striped socks, Smurfette pjs, purple shirt, pink hoody-- in case you couldn't decipher the beauty of the picture. Good thing my self-esteem is strong enough to take the potential mocking I'll receive for this. Well, and it helps I won't get out of the car!)

Sad, Sad, Happy

It's a bittersweet night for me in the animal department. I ended up giving my two rat boys back to their breeder because they were continually fighting and because they were making my hubby sick (even though he didn't complain about them). So I'm sad to see them go. They were a lot of fun, but I know they'll be happier.

I'm happy because I got a free canary! I found it on KSL classifieds and the lady gave the bird and cage to me for free! I had to drive to Spanish Fork to get it. But since I had to drop the "boys" off in Pleasant Grove, I combined my trip.

So I was giddy on the way down and crying on the way back.

Now I only have 5 pets: one dog, one hibernating tortoise, two cockatiels, and a canary. Not bad.





for now....... (evil laughter: Bwa-ha-ha-ha!)

How to Ruin your Son's Morning in 3 Three Easy Steps

1. Decline to button his pants
2. Insist that he CAN do it himself and should know how to do it himself since you won't be at school to help him when he goes to the bathroom.
3. Smile at him when he is scowling at you.

If necessary, repeat. And repeat.

But for more screaming, more door slamming, and more floor kicking, continue smiling. :o)

One Christmas party down....

We survived the first real Christmas party of the season (if you don't count the one I was in charge of last week) with minor casualties. Besides the fact that "Santa" didn't pay enough attention to the presents after they were wrapped and put the son's name on the daughter's computer game and vice versa (he was confused at the bright pink case and the "More Games for Girls" label), the toddler threw up in his car seat on the way home, and the daughter ended up with a 102.3 fever, you know, all in all, not too bad. It was a nice meal-- I ate too much and made myself feel sick in addition to eating too many "no-no" foods and giving myself a migraine-- and we enjoyed the family visits. And we got home at a decent hour notwithstanding the mess of traffic since the freeway is closed in our fair city.

Yep, bring on the Christmas spirit!


And the Tums.


And the Benedryl to help the children fall asleep quicker and stop wiping their snot around!


And a nice early bedtime for me.


And probably some exercising on Monday so I don't feel so bad.


Yep, tis the season, my friends. Tis the season.

Mother Confession

I have to admit that after being treated like a nasty mother for long enough (when I'm actually being good & patient), I'm willing to concede the point and become the evil mother my children treat me like. I suppose perhaps this is childish and/or immature on my part, but I can only handle so many scowls and nasty glances and bitter responses before I find myself becoming who they think I am.

My son thinks I'm nasty? Hmm, (shoulder shrug) OK, well if that's what he wants then I suppose I'll humor him. If I'm going to be the perpetual bad guy, then I might as well enjoy myself and raise my voice, you know?

I will say that most of the time I am fairly calm and tend to roll my eyes a lot at the way my children attempt to punish me for their bad choices. I tend to shrug and say "oh well, if that's the way you feel, bummer." But some days-- like days when the toddler wakes me up at 4:30 am and the son wakes me up at 7 am-- I'm just inclined to give the little darlings what they want.

Signed,

the wicked witch of the West
aka: the "Mom"

What a Girl wants for Christmas

It's that time of year when jewelry companies take it upon themselves to educate my husband as to what I want for Christmas and what would be the absolutely BEST gift for me.

And it's the time of year when I feel it necessary to clarify to my husband that if it's not in a cage (and moving around and squawking) or it's not lumber from Lowe's/Home Depot to be used to replace the ratty old metal banister, I don't want it.

Pretty simple: diamonds won't cut it for this girl. She wants another pet or a new banister.

Just turn the station when you hear the diamond ads on the radio, Sweetie.

Snow!

This was when we had only 4 to 5 inches.


This was right before the snow finally stopped just before 3 pm. The sky lightened and the sun shone through. It was really cool.

Toddler Education Classes

I've been thinking about offering some one-on-one training to my toddler to help him learn valuable life skills to benefit him all his life. Here are some examples of what I'm thinking of:

-Long-term Dangers of High Consumption of Overly Processed Foods: bologna and hot dogs are not beneficial for long term health effects; class time: 6 weeks.

-Socially Acceptable Emotional Expressions: hitting and biting are NEVER okay when you're upset, other forms of expression will be practiced; class time: 12 weeks.

-Paper is your BEST Choice: forks and pencils are not for coloring on walls, pencils & crayons will be used; class time: 6 weeks.

-Sleeping through the Night for Optimal Health: 10 hours of UNBROKEN sleep are essential for growth and development; class time: 14 weeks.

-Don't Kick the Dog: animal kindness is best if you don't want to get bitten; class time: 5 weeks.

-Cleanliness is next to Godliness: PUT AWAY YOUR OWN TOYS!!!; class time: 16 weeks.

-Two legs, two arms or "Are your legs broken?": how to best use your own body to meet your own needs; class time: 7 weeks.


This is just a beginning of classes to help him overcome some socially undesirable traits. It may take some time (like 18 years) but I do have hopes that eventually he'll be able to be a functional, non-spitting, non-screaming, independent, sleeping individual. And if not now (or soon), then definitely by the time he graduates from college.

I'll keep you posted.

What Disney Princes teach men about attracting women

(from an email, of course)

The world is sleeping

Not really, but my world is. I have a sleeping dog beside me on the reclined rocking chair. My two birds are sitting above me on the back of the chair sleeping; the rats are sleeping; the toddler is sleeping.

I should like to be sleeping also, but I'm not.

Today I braved the weather, the parking lots, the roads, Walmart, and Costco with two kids, ages 2 and 3 (the 3 year old, I borrowed). I spent a lot of money and stocked up for the month. Of course, I always get home and realize what I did not buy. I think the stores have a selective mind warp field you pass through when you enter. They need to make sure you do not buy everything on your list because you must return. I need to return to Costco for flour and Gatorade, plus a prescription.

The bird is now awake which woke the other bird and then the dog. Only the toddler is sleeping. I would still like to be sleeping also.

The weather is fowl, I mean foul. It is a major snowstorm today, tomorrow, and possibly Wednesday. Blah. I suppose this means it is winter.

My Christmas shopping is mostly done, though I do believe I've mentioned that three or four times before. I have more than a few books to read and no energy to do it currently. So I'm sitting in my rocking chair with my feet up and surrounded by animals who are in various stages of alertness. And my new Paul Cardall CD is still playing which is why I can blissfully sit here while the Little People wise men try to drive the school bus and the napkins are all over the floor and my cellphone battery is almost dead and I have bread dough rising on the stove and the rest of the home is messy.

Ah, such is life. May you enjoy the blessings of a nap today. Or if not, may you be blessed enough to be in bed with the lights out by 10 pm. Who knew that would be such a joy when we were young? Not I, that's for sure.

In bed by 10. Ah, a dream to hold.

Ah ha!

I've discovered why that pair of jeans is at the bottom of my drawer and hasn't been worn in a long time.... uhmpf! .... can't..... breathe..... blaw! Phew. I managed to get them on and get them buttoned. But not for long.

So they went back into the bottom of the drawer until they either start acting right and fit without suffocating me or I'll get rid of them. Whichever comes first.

Free Shipping Coupon Code

If you like Oriental Trading Co and you want to get some great stocking stuffers, gifts, and craft kits with NO shipping on ANY size order, use

ACM745 at the checkout.

Love their stuff! It's perfect for teacher gifts and classroom friend gifts, etc.

http://www.orientaltrading.com

Calming Music

Listening to calming music can help as you wander around your chaotic and overly-messy house. It also helps to tune out overly-tired whines from the toddler. And for an extra calming bonus, eat some chocolate or candy as you wander around listlessly. You will reach a zen-like state where you could care less about the clutter and mess. As long as there is no bleeding or vomit, you will be totally right with the world.....


ahhhhhhhhh.......


Here's my new favorite calming music: Paul Cardall
He is soooo good. I'm listening to "Sacred Piano." I even was able to buy it at Walmart.

Now excuse me as I return to the calming trance-like mode of wandering around my house and ignoring the toys scattered everywhere, the bloated cereal and milk in the sink, the random items just purchased at the grocery store, and everything else. Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh.......

Fabulous Book!

I just started reading this book yesterday and finished today. It's great!


"Flygirl" by Sherri L. Smith. It's about a black young woman who poses as a white woman to join the Women's Airforce Service Pilots organization during World War 2. It's amazing. I had to get a copy for myself. Check it out!

Here's an Amazon link.

The Perfect Blog Mommy

So I was composing in my head this morning this fabulous post on reading blogs written by perfect mommies (yeah, I know, a frequent rant of mine) and thinking through all the things perfect mommies say: like perfect children, perfect house, same body weight as in high school, but then I got to thinking that it wouldn't be doing any favors to moms in general. Or worse, someone might say I was talking about myself! GAWK! Not even. NOTHING perfect here, my friends!

But then I talked myself out of it. It's soooo easy (at least for me) to read other's blogs and feel a bit let down, you know like someone how their life is great and mine is not. Maybe it's just me who feels that way. You see the pics of your friends who are completely acne-, wrinkle-, flab- free who are still wearing the same size as high school and look the same age as high school only slightly more beautiful/funny/talented and who have beautiful pics of family members having fun and you think of your last picture where you cut yourself out of it with Photoshop because it looked so hideous and were grateful the camera didn't pick up you screaming "We are going to have fun as a family right now! So sit down and shut up and smile for the camera!!!" Um, I'm not the only one with that type of family experience, am I? :o)

Blogs are fun to read. They can make you laugh or cry or smile or get angry. But don't let them make you feel like a loser. They can't make you feel bad unless you let them. (see, this is me instructing myself right now). Even if you are sneaking a peek at the blog written by the most popular girl in high school and who nevers acknowledges your comments and you wonder if you are still too unworthy to be noticed by popular people..... that happens to you too, right? ...... right? (nervous laugh) right???

Anyways, blogs are a lovely peek into people's lives and some are more like fashion magazine covers-- tidied up and polished to the point of perfection. Take them at face value and look around your own life and imagine how good YOU would look if you handpicked only the best things to post. Um, assuming of course that you don't already do that and then if you do then, uh, just keep reading and ignore that...

Off topic, I am sitting in a kitchen that is 84.29% clean right now. It's so nice. The living room was clean--- oops, just turned around-- it's not so clean any more. Why did I decorate the lower 2/3rd of the Christmas tree? Really? I should have decorated only the portion that was visible through the front window from the street. Hmmm... that is still possible.

Oops! Got to go. Time for my writing class. It's been two weeks since I've been. I'm excited to see the kids again and see the new ones. I will say I am a bit sad because some of my favorite boys went home. I sure hope they are good.

My Life so far

Two toddlers, one preschooler, a grouchy dog, 8 loads of laundry, a messy kitchen, an overripe banana, orange slices, a dear friend in the hospital, a Christmas tree filled with ornaments, and a stressed out mom who is planning a Christmas dinner for 150 people.

This can only lead to trouble.

Time to install the Pepsi I.V.

Proof!

This shows you the graph I followed every time I wrote to see if I made my word count! It became the best motivator of all!

What a Relief!

I'm so thrilled! I have my Winner's certificate already on my computer. I got the cool picture to put on my blog showing that I'm a NaNoWriMo winner. I couldn't have believed I could have written a novel this month. This month has been crazy! But I did.

I learned for myself that if you truly want to do something, you can do it no matter what chaos is going on around you. For too long I had too many excuses as to why I couldn't write. NaNoWriMo has been a great kick-in-the-butt for me! I needed it!

My novel is not done, but I had to get to my 50,000 word count and stop so I could move on to planning a church Christmas party for Friday night. So next month I'll keep working on the novel and I'll get it edited. This is the first time I've written a novel off the cuff. Usually, I have it all planned out and outlined, etc. This one just came out as I wrote it. It's not at all what I expected it to be, but it is good. It is just very raw in it's current state.

I'll keep you posted on my editing progress. Thanks for letting me share!

SCREAM! SCREAM!!!

I DID IT!!!!!

One Goal and ONE Goal only for Today

Must. Finish. 2,000 words. Must get done.

Some Suggestions for starting off your Christmas right

Ah, it's past Thanksgiving which means its necessary to now inflict Christmas upon our families! What better way to bring about the season of peace, love, and giving by fighting as a family over Christmas decorating. I thought I'd take a break from our family decorating warfare to share with you a few tips on how to really push the family into arguments as a way to kick off the season.

1- Help your husband hang the Christmas lights outside. By help, I don't mean 'get up on the ladder.' I mean stand on the grass shivering and complain how freezing you are and then make comments like "Can't you move that green bulb over more? It's hanging over the wrong spot." Or "That's too low." Or wait until he's done and then suggest you redo the whole house with bigger lights that are LED that you'll have to force him to go buy from Walmart on a Saturday.

2- Put up the Christmas tree. Honestly, I don't think this needs much more elaboration. I mentioned once years ago as a new wife to my hubby that my parents fought every year over the Christmas tree lights and it was a family tradition to do so. He dug in his heels and refuses to help put the lights on the tree. Ah, so good to start our own family fighting tradition over who will or will NOT help with the lights.

3- Let your children hang up the ornaments. Hand them each an ornament individually so they can argue over whose ornament it is and who gave it to them and who has more ornaments than the other and who is most special because of what ornaments they have. This is especially good for the oldest who inevitably will have a lot more seeing as how they've been alive the longest. Plus, they have more experience with fighting on Christmas.

4- If you have a toddler, put lots of ornaments at the bottom of the tree so they can be redecorated on a daily basis. And so you can have the joy of finding ornaments in your bathtub, the bread pan in the cupboard, and floating in the dog's water bowl. Or in pieces.

5- Insist on getting the entire house decorated in one Saturday or less, like before lunch that day so you can watch a football game at your neighbor's house. That always helps with the Christmas cheer!

6- Keep presents wrapped and under the Christmas tree. And just for fun, write your name on all of them. That will make it more fun for the children to see you are getting everything!

7- Out decorate every other house on the block-- and make your hubby do the work. MORE lights, MORE animated manger scenes, MORE things everywhere. If someone down the street puts up something else, then send your aforementioned hubby to the store, preferably Walmart on Saturday, to buy MORE decorations. You can never have enough decorations in your front yard.

8- Play Christmas music 24/7. If you can, play the same song sung by 40 different people. "Little Drummer Boy" can never be heard enough! Ba Rum Pum Pum Pum.

9- Any other suggestions? I know I'm leaving something out. Please feel free to leave comments below on how to bring in that Christmas "cheer" by getting ready for the holidays.

Cheers!

Muppets!

A little joy for your day:



I don't care for Queen, but I do LOVE the Muppets!

Black Friday Run

In celebration of Black Friday and the wonderful fact that I am 98.659% done with my Christmas shopping, I went running this morning instead of braving the masses of crazies at the stores.

Here's where I went in a beautiful little country town:

Dirt roads, wide open spaces, clear air, the smell of wood burning in fireplaces....


Horse pastures with their farm fresh smells, dead cars in driveways, the sound of gunshots ricocheting off the hillsides....

Ah, yes, there is nothing like running in a small town. I loved it!

Because I was "new" and because I couldn't talk any of the nephews into going with me, I ran with my sister's dog. It's was the first time for both of us (me running with a dog and he with a human). We did okay and pulling on his leash helped me get an extra upper-body workout.

Coupon Guilt

This new couponing craze has produced a strong feeling of guilt for me. It's now just not enough to get a good deal, you have to get THE BEST DEAL IN THE WHOLE WESTERN UNITED STATES AND BE PAID BY COUPONS TO TAKE THE ITEMS!!!

Or else you are a coupon loser.


Sigh. I'm a loser. I've sold my soul to Costco and have deluded myself into thinking that I am saving money buy buying things there in bulk.

But every so often, I see something and think: "Man! I could have save 35 cents! I wonder if I can return the first item and then come back here and buy it on sale!"

I don't have a coupon binder or favorite coupon sites. I do have a cute coupon folder thingie that I bought at Michael's because it was only a dollar and it was Mary Englebreit. I don't actually use it appropriately-- I just shove the coupons in the little dividers even though some of them don't fit well. I don't frequently post pics of the massive savings I got: 40 bottles of salad dressing for -$.35 a piece and 20 bags of shrimp dip mix for 2 pennies a piece.

I did once get a bottle of mustard for 9 cents and a bottle of pickles for like 45 cents. And I once actually got paid 30 cents to buy a bag of sugar free Lifesavers. But that is the glory, the height, and the extent of my couponing career.

Sigh. So last night while walking into Costco, I saw a set of Pyrex dishes for $23. I got a similar set, but without the free bowls, at Walmart for $24. Man! But it's too late to return the stuff to Walmart even though most of them are dirty sitting in my sink full of water?

Probably not. So I try to consign myself to the fact that I will not be winning the Couponer of the Year award and I probably am using far more money to buy things for my family than I could be. I try to myself there is a time and a season for the coupon frensy. This is not my time or season; next year's not looking too much better either.

Blog Review discussion

Last night:

Me to hubby: Did you read my Facebook post on my blog?
Him: Yeah.
Me: Did you laugh?
Him: No.
Me: Did you smile?
Him: No.
Me: Were you slightly amused at all?
Him: No.
Me: Were you paying attention to something else?
Him: Was it supposed to be funny?
Me: Yes, it is cute and amusing.
Him: oh.
Me: well, it was.... I think.

Must have been a Facebook thing. My sister found it slightly amusing. Hmm, perhaps I find myself more amusing than others. Maybe I should start leaving my own comments:

Funny! I totally relate! That's the best!

Oh well. Such is life.

The BEST way to send a Christmas Card to soldiers

The previous post lists a way of sending Christmas cards to the troops that I found out is not as effective as this way:

Mail your holiday cards to

Holiday Mail for Heroes
PO Box 5456
Capitol Heights, MD 20791-5456


by December 7, 2009; the Red Cross will sort them and deliver them. See more information here.

Christmas Cards

When doing your Christmas cards this year, take one card and send it to
this address. If we pass this on and everyone sends one card, think of
how many cards these wonderful special people who have sacrificed so much
would get. When you are making out your Christmas card list this year,
please include the following:

A Recovering American Soldier
c/o Walter Reed Army Medical Center
6900 Georgia Avenue,NW
Washington,D.C.. 20307-5001

If you approve, please pass it on.

Facebook Friends

It took some time to get used to, but I've finally come to terms with the fact that Facebook will help me find friends-- whether I want them to or not. I am proud to say I'm up to 201 friends and I can honestly say I know all but 4 of them (those being some local celebrities who were kind enough to accept my desperate friend request). Oh, but I do have this one friend who said he was cleaning out his friends' list to get rid of dead wood of people who he can't remember and doesn't care to read about and when he was done he still had -- are you sitting down for this??-- 986 friends. Seriously! He's not a local celebrity but I do believe he's been an EFY counselor at BYU every summer since he was born. But anyways, back to topic at hand: ME. Having a computer program find my friends has proved to be an interesting experience. Allow me to illuminate:

High School-- Um, can I be frank about this? I didn't like most of these people 15 years ago. Why on earth would I like them now? What would even talk about? "Uh, so did that airhead twit personality work out well for ya?" I mean really. I've gone to great psychological lengths to block some of those memories from my mind so do I really, really need Facebook to encourage me to accept their friend requests or take them as a suggested friend? No. I am quite fine in my state of denial and I shall stay there, thank you very much. And, while I'm the subject, that is the same idea for the high school reunion. I didn't go to parties for FREE back then to watch these people get drunk and act stupid so why on earth would I pay $75 PER TICKET to watch them do the same thing now? Perhaps I'm being overly critical. Perhaps they only get drunk and lethargic now instead of stupid. Perhaps they've given up drinking and/or stupidness all together. Perhaps I might actually like them now that they've grown out of that high school state we all suffered from. Perhaps, but I'm not willing to spend $75/ticket to find out.

I have gotten a couple friend requests that I thought were weird. One was the father of an old junior high friend. Uh, no. Another was someone from junior high who I do not remember so being the cautious FBer (that's slang for Facebooker or user of Facebook products), I sent him an email: "Hey! I can't really remember you! Ha! Feel free to embarrass me now by telling me all the things we once did together and then I'll feel silly and remember who you are." Guess what? He never responded. Shocking, isn't it? He's not my friend. Ah, thanks to Facebook for helping me weed out the people who just want to collect me as a part of the complete junior high/high school set. No thank you, I shall remain the "rare" and "hard to find" collectible that is never found on eBay (though you can buy a copy of my book there which is a sad yet inspiring tribute to my career as an author that I am on eBay but really for not going for nearly as much money as I'd like). I shall not throw my friendship away to any Tom, Jane, or Billy who sends a request my way.

Another friend request came from someone from high school who had a demented, murdering clown picture for his profile pic. Now some of you who know may well may know that I believe that ALL clowns are demented and murdering and should be banished (full body shudder). I don't like clowns; nor do I like Laurel & Hardy, the 3 Stooges, or I love Lucy (full body shudder with gag reflex). But anyways, I'm off task. So this guy whose name I don't recognize sends me a friend request. We have three mutual friends-- all from high school. I shoot a quick email to a good friend from high school who I was thrilled to add and who was one of the few I actually liked during my career MP High. "WHO is he?" I asked. She described him to me, but, uh, no luck. The sadistic murdering clown is blocking my memory. It may have forever damaged our non-existent relationship so in order to be a responsible FBer again, I send him an email: I don't remember you! (I did say it slightly more nicely and less bluntly than that, but that was the general idea). It may not be a surprise to you that I've yet to hear back from him. Oh well.

Occasionally I am connected with people I really liked and really valued as friends. I made a friend of an old friend yesterday. I'm thrilled to back in touch with his family and I can't wait to get in touch with his mom though I suspect I may actually have to break down and *gasp* call her. I am mature enough to admit that the internet is disabling my already disabled phone skills. I hate getting on the phone-- with the exception on like three people who all do/did share my maiden name-- and it would be easier if I could just email her, but... we'll see.

So here I am with my 200 friends and continual reminders that they really don't ever talk to me, but are nice enough to occasionally say my status updates are funny (I think they bite their tongues and move on to the next funny one when they are lame). It's good to be reminded I have 200 friends that I am no longer in good contact with which of course begs the question of whether or not they are good friends. But I don't collect friends like postage stamps or erasers or passports. If I add you, then you are my friend (with of course the exception of the 4 local celebrities who I begged for them to add me-- though one local celebrity mentioned one of my posts on his wall on his radio show which was, in my opinion, a true confirmation of our FB friendship!).

Ah, to the joys of technology. I salute you, FB! But don't think I'm so comfortable with you that I'm going to start running your farm, baking in your restaurant, selling pets in your pet shop, or participating in mafia murdering work for you. You can keep your games to yourself. I shall remain aloof from the social gaming aspect. If I want my friends to help me with a golf cart heist or if I find a lonely black sheep wandering onto my property, then I shall ask them myself.

But not by phone. I'll send an email.

You know what's strange??

Men singing falsetto has a really happifying effect on me. When I'm down or frustrated or upset, I just put on the BeeGees or Motown music or my MoTab choir CD with the King singers and my mood improves.

Listening to men singing falsetto while drinking Pepsi is even better! Ya gotta do what ya gotta do when you're having a down day, ya know?

I know it's not just me...

What is it about us as women that makes us our own worst enemies some days? When everything is fine and everyone is fine, and it's just us who feels like something nasty your toddler stepped in and drug inside the house. You know the feeling?

I'm almost over feeling entirely stupid. I got this great idea for my writing class and have been going great guns on collecting books for my kids to read since the book case that is most accessible to them is worse than the DI reject pile. And so I've been spending all my mad money on books and collecting things and getting them excited about reading the things I am bringing in.

And then it occurs to me: HEY! YOU! Didn't bother to ask the director for permission, did ya?

nope. I realized this as I was on the phone with said director telling him "I want to do this" and "I want to do that" and..... ugh! I fessed up that I had only then realized I had never bothered to talk to him. He, being the good guy he is, told me not to worry about it that I was "good." You know that familiar phrase: No, you're good.

I'm good with him. With me, I am left feeling stupid. Like I overstepped my boundaries and am dumb.

I called my mom. She was helpful to get me off my own case.

I'm almost totally off, Mom. Honest. I'm almost "good." Almost.

Just one more vent. And then I'll let it go. Really. I promise.

But I also won't buy anymore books until I find out exactly what the director wants (or doesn't want.)

Embrace it!

I am currently embracing the disaster in my house-- stepping over the dog food scattered on the floor, ignoring the piles and piles on the counter, looking past the books and toys and shoes and everything else on the floor, refusing to put away current purchases, avoiding the sink area in the kitchen....

It's a mess.


oh well. I'm going to eat lunch, put my toddler down for his nap, and then write like crazy to catch up on NaNoWriMo word count. I have to be at 40,000 in the next few days. Next Monday (a week from today ) is the last day. I'm at 34,000 and some change. I can do it. I just have to figure out what my characters want to do next.

Just so you know

Because I'm not totally giving Thanksgiving the shaft, I am leaving the turkey up till the day and then it's gone.

I'm equal opportunity when it comes to holidays, but I'm way more in a Christmas mood than a Thanksgiving mood-- thus the background change.

My house at night

So it's not the best exposure because I don't have a tripod or a steady grip, but you get the idea, eh?

The best part is how the snowflakes reflect all the colors from the lights. It's so pretty. You'll have to come over and check it out for yourself, okay?

Christmas is Coming!

I got the outside of my house decorated-- wreath on the door, lights on the eves, bows on the flamingos, snowflakes on the gutters, and a Christmas flag on the pole.


I got these cool plastic snowflakes at the Dollar store.


My grandpa's shovel flamingos are ready for the holidays now!

Last year I didn't have as much Christmas, but I'm making up for it this year. I've got the Christmas music on the iPod playing in the living room. Plus, I'm almost entirely done with my Christmas shopping! So much easier when you go shopping online. Love it!

Sooooooo.....

what do you do when you really, irrationally, want something but you can't really tell people you want it because they will scoff and say "are you serious?" and then you'll feel stupid but that doesn't even make you want it less and normally you would have your own spending money to just buy it but you don't on account of you have spent that same amount of money (plus some) on buying things for your kids in your writing class and while you don't really regret doing it you still wish you had the extra oh, say $50 so you could really buy what you want and then your hubby won't give you grief about it wanting more money especially since he just called and his car died and he's waiting for a tow truck on the side of North Temple so tonight's not a good night to say "hey, honey, how about forking over $50 for something I really want but don't need and you don't want?"

Yeah, it's tough. Just needed to vent.

My new favorite idea for Christmas gifts

I love this website! She does fabulous things with soap bottles. If you're related to me, don't look too close since this is your Christmas gift, but the rest of you-- I highly, highly recommend these as an easy and meaningful gift for the holiday! No tins of peanuts or popcorn! Get something that will last them!

http://signaturesoaps.blogspot.com/

32,004 and counting

Here's a clip from today's writing: (remember, again, this is raw and completely unedited work so be kind):

------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I never got a chance to thank you for defending Melanie at the Relief Society dinner. I really appreciate it.”

I shrugged again. “No problem. Elaine can be too blunt sometimes. She’s working on it and has gotten much better. Sometimes though, she needs a bit of a reminder.”

“Well, I appreciate it. I know you don’t really know Melanie, but I was glad you stood up for her. I know she talks a lot. I don’t think she even knows she’s doing it. She didn’t use to be so chatty. I suppose it’s like you said, she’s probably just getting caught up for a year of non-talking.”

I smiled. “I still couldn’t go that long without being able to speak English all the time. I guess I’m not so adventurous.”

“Listen, Liz, about Melanie,” she stopped to take a deep breath, but before she could continue the front door burst open. Melanie walked in. Her face was red and smeared with mascara. She looked around almost frantically for Carly. When she saw us in the living room she came over immediately and knelt down on the floor besides Carly.

“There was a lump,” she sobbed. “I didn’t say anything because we didn’t know. But it’s cancer, Car. My chest is full of cancer and on Monday morning they are going to take it all off.”

Carly reached out and laid her hand on Melanie’s shoulder. “A masectomy?” she whispered.

Melanie nodded and wiped her nose with her sweater sleeve. “All of it. They’ll take all of it, and then I have to do two months of chemotherapy.”

I sat frozen to my spot on the couch. Melanie hadn’t acknowledged my presence and I felt immediately like an intruder. Even Gracie sat still and quiet on my lap. When I saw her wipe her face again on her sleeve, I reached over and grabbed the box of tissues and handed it to her. "Here, Melanie. Take one.”

She glanced at me and mumbled something.

“Do you want me to leave?” I asked quietly.

Melanie shook her head ferociously. “No! Liz, please stay. I could use your strength right now.”

Carly nodded beside her. “Me too, Liz.”

I set Gracie on the floor beside the pile of socks and watched her reach out and grab them. As soon as she got a hold of one, she’d giggle and put it in her mouth.

“Sorry,” I apologized, “you may have to wash some of these again.”

“I should apologize to you for only having dirty socks for your daughter to play with!”

Gracie giggled again and then squealed. She threw a faded blue sock toward Melanie.

“Sweet baby girl,” Melanie told her. “You’re so lucky, Liz. She’s beautiful.”

“Thanks, Melanie.”

“So what do we do now, Mel,” Carly asked.

“My mom was planning on coming down tomorrow anyways, but now she’ll stay for a couple weeks to help with the boys. I’ll be in the hospital for a couple days next week and then I’ll be home. I’m pretty sure my neighbor will take my boys to school and bring them home for a couple of weeks.”

“And what about chemo? How will you do that?”

“They can do it at the hospital here so I’ll just schedule my appointments during the day while the boys are all gone.”

“Who will take you?”

“If my mom can’t stay that long, then I’ll have to find someone else.”

Melanie stood and came over to sit by me on the couch. She leaned her head back against the rest and let the tears slide down her cheeks. I could feel my own eyes burning.

“They’ll want to take out all my female organs too,” she whispered. “Everything.” She shook her head sadly. “No more babies.”

I rested my hand on hers. “I’m sorry,” I told her sadly. “What a lot to process all at once.”

Carly sat on the arm rest of the couch beside Melanie. “We’ll get through this, Mel. You’ll be fine. We’ll help you take care of everything. You won’t ever have to do this alone.”

“What if it doesn’t work?” It was almost impossible to understand what she had said so she repeated it. Carly and I exchanged somber glances. How do you respond to a question like that?

“Did they tell you what your chances are?” Carly’s voice caught in the throat as she spoke.

Melanie nodded. “Good. We caught it early enough to stop it from spreading to my lymph nodes, but not early enough to save my chest. Taking out my uterus is just a precaution since there’s a strong correlation between breast cancer and—” She hiccupped. “Cancer,” she sobbed. “I have cancer.”

Carly took Melanie into her arms and looked over her shoulder at me. I watched Carly’s own tears start to fall. I reached out and held onto one of her hands.

“No one will be alone,” I said. “None of us.”

30,128

I made it! I got to my daily word count total! Woo hoo!


---for some reason my word count widget above is not accurately portraying my word total. Maybe it's having difficulties again. But I am over 30,000! ---

See? Now that I embarrassed the widget, it decided to perform appropriately. Silly tool.

My resistance is wearing thin....

I think I've waited as long as I can. I've resisted as long as I can. I think I am going to have to break down my resolve. I think.........



I'm going to hang up some Christmas decorations today.


I just can't help myself!

The Benefits (?) of Insomnia

I saw this!! I wondered what it was and now I know! It came through my window like an enormous purplish flash. It was super bright!

Video Courtesy of KSL.com

From my Facebook posting:

"[Sarah]

is ABOVE her word count for today! I'm almost to tomorrow's word goal! All of the sudden there was a cat in the story. And then Elsie (think I might change her name for an "older sounding one) had something to say after church. Currently my main character has locked herself in a bathroom stall to avoid other people at ...church. (Did I mention this novel is slightly autobiographical or could you already tell that? :o) )"

It's been fun to write this story. Every day brings new changes to it-- like the cat. Wasn't expecting that, but what else do you do when you have a cat show up in a carrier in a brand new motorhome? Would you tell Doris no? I didn't think so.

Welcome to the crazy world of a writer where people in her head rarely do what they are supposed to do and often become much more real than I care to admit!

Lists

I love lists. I am most productive when I write down "to do" lists and can cross things off! Ooh, boy, do I love crossing things off my lists. Sometimes if I do something that's not on my list, then I'll write it on my list so I can cross it off. What a sense of satisfaction! Love it!

So I came up with this weekly & monthly checklist to keep by my bed so I can check off the things I need to do every week and every month. When I was printing off the lists on our downstairs computer, somehow the second columns got flipped.

That meant I only had to do laundry once a month instead of weekly. That kinda sounded good except I don't think I'd care for the reusing underwear thing-- though it does seem to work well for my kids! Ha! ;o)

So here's to lists! "To Do" lists are a happy part of my life.


Plus, I ran today outside and did some situps. And I'm going to eat a mostly healthy lunch now and then put my toddler down for his nap and then work on my story! I have the best idea-- Melanie Moody is coming back to the yet-to-be-named town in Colorado. Boy, I see some sparks flying between my main character and Melanie. Friendship threesomes are tough! But at least I don't have to kill anybody else off, eh?

LOVING IT!

You see the chart above?! You see the word count?! I made it past the halfway mark! Woohoo! I feel fantastic! And I'm a day early. The halfway mark isn't supposed to come until tomorrow but I did it today since I don't write on Sunday.

La La La! I am so excited! Of course, I had to write in another death, but it was worth it. Gertie was old and it was her time to go. If only my main character had thought to call her before then. Then she wouldn't be straddled with a pervasive feeling of guilt over never getting around to something she felt strongly she should do.

LOVE IT!

Interesting...

Didn't I just put this toy away in the toddler's room? And this one? Haven't I already put them away three or four times? How do they keep getting back into the living room and under the kitchen table?

A mystery!


A 2-foot-something brown-eyed mystery, I believe!

18,422 and counting

I was able to do some catch up writing this afternoon. I'm not so far behind. I'm supposed to be at 20,000 words by midnight. Don't think I'll get there. My toddler has been wild beyond belief or clingy without end. And now it's time to wrestle him to bed. I think my day is done. I'll try to do more tomorrow. I can't believe that it's almost half over! Crazy! I'm going to make it, barring death, illness, or insanity, I am going to get that goal!

Writing and Money

Everyday on my way to teach at the detention center, I pass by Lifeline, a very expensive treatment facility for wayward teens. Each time I drive by I wonder how the kids in O&A would do if they had parents who could cough up $4,000 a month to get them treatment. How much more successful would they be? For some of the kids it would mean coming from a much different background-- more attentive parents and a higher socio-economic level. It would change everything.

I remember when I started talking about the possibility of teaching writing classes. My hubby recommended Lifeline, and I declined. They have money and therefore the kids have hope. So now I simply drive by and wonder what the kids in my class would be like. Would they be guaranteed success? Would they be happier? Would they be more likely to not be a repeat offender?

Today's writing class was a first. I taught them Persuasive Writing. It went really, really well. We had a lot of fun and I challenged them on their homework assignment to convince me that what they were arguing for was the best way of looking at things. I can't wait to see their responses.

The kid that I threatened with expulsion last week did half of his makeup work. I was shocked! And then I made a big deal about it. He looked at me blankly. He's not even being manipulative; he's just nothing. It's so odd to deal with him. We'll see if he does the makeup work next week.

I challenged the kids with a new goal-- if you get to Phase III (the highest) then you will be able to use one of my pencils. I showed them my stack of colorful pencils and they oohed and aahed. Instead of their regular boring yellow pencil, they'll get style. And they'll get the distinction of having earned the goal from me. I was happy to see how well they accepted the challenge. I hope it helps. This week had more kids in the "Poor" level than I've ever seen before. It could have something to do with the fact that there are 18 kids in the place so it's packed. We'll see.

I love teaching O&A. I have a new idea for Christmas that I'll need your help with. I'll tell you about it soon!

Exhaustion kicks in right before the rigor mortis

Today's agenda: kids to school, make homemade bread, make soup from a ham bone, shower and get ready, do 7 loads of laundry, watch nieces for two hours, have friend and her two girls over for lunch, drag all three kids to the dentist for my appointment, rush home, put toddler down for short nap, wake him up, take dog to vet, get instructions on how to clean dog's ear every day for a week, ask neighbor to take son to karate, have hubby pick son up from karate, clean up Little People toys from toddler 4 or 5 times, get dinner ready....

pass out.

Unfortunately, there are still four hours till bedtime and I haven't gotten my lesson ready for tomorrow's writing class. And I have 1700 words to write for my NaNoWriMo project. And the hubby will be gone all night working on his dissertation so I'll be alone with the three kids, one of which is a very grouchy toddler who only slept for 40 minutes instead of 2 hours.

Oy.


pass out. lay flat on your back with your arms & legs in the air and with little "X"s where your eyes should be.

And then lay there for a moment before you get jumped on by the toddler and you have to get up and start working again.

baby steps till bedtime, baby steps till bedtime.

Dog Issues

I've had some concerns about my dog for quite some time now and I think maybe posting them will help me not worry so much.

So this is the deal-- it's a good thing we don't live near a dog park because I'm sure it would destroy his fragile self-esteem. Why? He wears a t-shirt to stay warm. I think the other dogs would mock him because of his shirt. Right now he's living in oblivion and doesn't realize he's pretty nerdy, as far as dogs go, because he wears the shirt, but I'd hate for him to find out.

Plus he's got a rather distorted image of himself. He's a small poodle/maltese/bischon friche mix. He weighs 8 pounds. When he looks in the mirror (theoretically, of course) I believe he sees a 90 pound bulldog. He tends to go after big dogs like he's the champion of the world. They look at him in mocking amusement and ignore him. That is until he starts nipping at them. We've avoided, to date, him being bitten. We just avoid other dogs as much as we can.

Also, he's a mama's boy. I think if he could cry, he would every time I leave him. It's pathetic to watch, I tell you. He would be mocked. And again, I'm positive his delicate self-image would be crushed like an empty peanut shell.

He's a good dog, don't get me wrong. We must keep him sheltered though to help him through his imaginary existence as a mega street fighter and lover. We'll just stick to the lover part.

Up to 16,500

Made it up to 16,500 words last night. I was 170 words shy of meeting my goal for the day, but I had to stop because my fingers and elbows were getting arthritic. And I was starving. And ready for bed.

Hopefully I'll make it up today and meet my daily total. Phew! Things get so crazy around here. I think this was personally the worst month of the whole year to be doing this! But it teaches me that if I can write now then I can write any time-- no more lame excuses as to why I can't write.

I AM SO AWESOME!

Check out this baby!!!Yep, that's addressed to me! And those are MY parents! And he's in his bathrobe. And he's got a bird on his shoulder!!!

I LOVE IT!!!!

14,159 and counting

I'm almost up to my 15,002 daily goal. Hopefully I can write a bit more tonight and pass it. And hopefully by then the NaNoWriMo site will be up and running again so I can post my progress!

Here's another little clip: (just remember this is raw writing-- not polished at all; so be kind! All praise gratefully accepted in the comment section below!)

“Don’t let her get to you. No one here thinks you’re a charity case. She’s not so good about saying things some times in a tactful way.”

I waited until we were in the car before I responded. “You’re sure I’m not the latest charity project in town?”

“Nonsense, as Elaine would say. We haven’t had a baby born for awhile. It’s exciting to think about it. I mean, I guess Janice did have one not too long ago but someone having their fifth (especially when they probably ought not to) is not as fun and exciting as someone having their very first baby! You’ll just have to acknowledge your little girl will have dozens and dozens of aunties and grandmas.”

There was a lull in our conversation. I felt too weary to chitchat with her. After awhile, Carly started to speak again. This time her voice was sad and low.

“My first baby was a girl.”

I thought about her kids and then turned to her in surprise. Before I could even form the question on my lips, she continued. “We named her Brianne Rose. We got to hold her for three hours before she died.” I could see tears pooling in the corner of her eyes. “She was the most perfect baby I ever saw. She didn’t have one blemish or red mark from birth. No scratches or bruises.” She let out a sigh. “And no heart either.”

She looked at me for a brief second before focusing back on the road. “She was born with an imperfect heart and there wasn’t anything they could do to fix it. Surgery, transplants, nothing. We consulted every doctor we could. We even flew to New York to see the top pediatric heart specialist in the country. It was all for naught, as they say. There was nothing that could happen to heal our baby’s heart. So I carried for her nine months, held her for three hours, and then buried her two days later.”

Carly pulled into my driveway and put the car into park. She kept her hands on the wheel and stared out the front window.

“Oh, Carly,” I whispered tearfully. “That’s terrible. I’m so sorry.”

She smiled sadly. “It happened ten years ago, but some days it seems like only last week. The pain can be so strong. I love my boys with all my heart, but I miss my daughter more than I can even say.”

I reached out and patted her hand softly. “I can imagine. Tonight must have been hard for you. Thank you for coming. It means a lot.”

“Sometimes,” she said with an edge to her voice, “it makes me so mad that this town remembers everything. They remember the time Ida’s daughter Ida May chased her husband around the yard and beat him with a slipper and how the police had to come and arrest her and she started beating up on them.” Her lips twitched upward in a smile. “They remember that Lawrence Eagar once left his wife and four kids for Charlotta, the divorced mother of two. They remember when Elaine said this or that to someone and how they never came back to church.” She wiped a stray tear with the back of her hand. “But they don’t,” she whispered “ever remember Brianne Rose. It’s like she never lived. And I go to these showers,” her voice was growing louder, “and they all celebrate for the new birth and I want to shout at them! Why can’t they remember?! Why can’t they celebrate the life of my beautiful little girl? Why did they bury their memories when they buried her? I didn’t.” She let out a sob. “I didn’t.” She shook her head and let the tears fall.

There we sat for what seemed a very long time. I kept my hand resting on her shoulder and I listened to her crying, and her murmurings about the baby, and her heavy breathing. I shed many of my own.

She let out a long sigh. “I haven’t done this for awhile. And certainly never in public.” She gave me a sad smile. “Thank you.”

I am

Crazy!

That's all there is to it. I must be to try and follow the schedule I keep.